Aimless Deliberation

So, I finally read the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy and I must say that I really enjoyed it; so much so, that I read a few other BDSM (look it up) books.  The first thing I must say about these books is that they are not at all what I expected.  The books are truly love stories with a bit of sex in them (who wouldn't like that?).  Seriously, when I heard women discuss these books, it was always as though it was something taboo or sinister about them.  I have listened to women talk about how they couldn't read those types of books because they were married or it was "ungodly", really?  This is what I will tell you: If you are not comfortable in your own sexuality and desires, DON'T READ THESE BOOKS!   These books are written to emphasize power and ultimate pleasure.  The funny thing is that most will assume that it is power and pleasure from the man's perspective and it isn't.  In these books, the men fully understand the woman's body and what exc

I know it has been a very long time since I posted.  So, I thought I would write a quick note.  When I write, I am just sharing my own personal thoughts and perspective.  I am in no way trying to assert myself as the authority on any topic (outside of those posts about me - I do consider myself an authority there). The things at the forefront of my mind these days has been happiness; mainly because of some very important people that have had a positive impact on my life.  Now, these people don't even know what their happiness means to me but I do keep them in my thoughts because I care and I want them to be happy regardless of where that leads.  For those people, I write this post. Happiness is a state of mind that we have full control over.  It is on us to determine if we want to be happy or not.  Being happy involves being a little selfish; I am not talking about the selfishness that drive people to take advantage of those that are trying to help or love them terribly.  I am

My post this month was very late, so I plan to get them out quicker next month. We made it back safely yesterday and vacation was great.   We stood at the top of Cadillac Mountain; visited the Boston Gardens; saw the lighthouses of Portland; and spent some well-deserved alone time with one another (all pictures will be available on Google+ shortly).   Even though, it is always hard to come home, I am very grateful for the excursions we are able to enjoy.   To four extraordinary ladies in my life, Kenya, Shalonda, Jennifer and Dani I want to say THANK YOU!   Thank you for being the friends that you are to me.    Regardless of how often we talk or see one another; you are always supportive and actually take the time to find out about me.   That means more to me than you will ever know.   In one of my earlier posts, I mentioned that friends are special to me because they are the people that choose to love you.   You have chosen to love me (not sure why but I will take it

I brought the wine and he had the steak and potatoes.  The night was calm, the music described the emotions and there is no place to be tomorrow.  The things that make our time together so awesome.  If every moment is like this one, well... it is just awesome! That is all.  Goodnight!

I started this blog for father's day in recognition of ALL fathers and wasn't able to complete it.   But I am going to see if I can go ahead and finish it now because it got me to thinking about my family (all of them).   I didn't know my father, not because he ran off and didn't have anything to do with me, not because my mother tried to keep him away, and not because he died in war or of some health issue.   My father died when I was very young; the only father I know is my mom.   The only image I have of my father was us (my father and I) on a pew both dressed in white.   There are several interesting things about that memory but the most interesting, for me, is that my mother said my father never went to church or weddings.   Where does that image come from?   What does it mean?   I don't know that I will ever know the real answer but my thoughts are that it relates to my father and his desire to protect his girls.   I have heard that he was a great fa

I started this post last week and was asked by my husband 'why I would want to post something so personal?'  My initial response was most of my posts are personal.  I went on to say that my posts reflect my opinions and thoughts and I want people to know more about where the person that they came from.  See it is hard for people to listen to, respond, or understand things from people they don't know.  As I thought about it more and more, I wonder 'why wouldn't I share who I am'.  This blog was created so I could post at my leisure about whatever I wanted.  If today's topic is me, than so be it.  Now, it isn't normal for me to want to talk about myself in this manner.  However, in order for me to become more self-aware, I have to be willing to do some self-evaluations So, let's see how it goes.   Basics:   Born in Muskegon, MI on leap day and was baby of the year that year (I think it was because I was a leap-year baby).  Lived in Michigan for

My friend, Dani, encouraged me to keep blogging.  In an effort to avoid cynicism, here it goes. As I listen to people more and more, I realize how much fear controls our thoughts, mind, and actions.  Fear is a powerful emotion that causes people to do strange things.  To be clear, I am not speaking of physical fears (e.g. car crash, gun shots); I am talking specifically about the mental fear that we control ourselves (e.g. the fear of letting people know who we are, the fear that we are not good enough, the fear that we don't have the ability to do something).  All of these fears are what I consider mental fears and are impacting us daily. " Fear stifles our thinking and actions. It creates indecisiveness that results in stagnation. I have known talented people who procrastinate indefinitely rather than risk failure. Lost opportunities cause erosion of confidence, and the downward spiral begins." - Charles Stanley What does that mean?  It means that fear causes us

Jamie and I recently had a discussion around Christianity and its use in today's society.  By adding my thoughts here, we will be able to continue that dialogue.  Before I jump into my personal thoughts, I have to tell you how this conversation came to be.  One of my co-workers came to my office to discuss the  controversy around the movie Noah that she had just learned of via FB.  From her recount, I learned that she really wanted to see this movie until she found out that the movie wasn't based on the biblical account  of the story.  She also stated  that Christians should not watch the movie because t he director is an Atheist therefore he doesn’t know about Christianity.  As she finished her thoughts, I simply stated that she should not discount the director’s knowledge of Christianity simply because he is an Atheist.  I went on to explain that many “non-believers” have studied more about Christianity than many “true” Christians.  I also told her that, from my perspective,

Friend:   "I am truly excited about this stage of my life and I just wish those that cared for me were as well" Me:   "I understand and know where you are coming from.  It is hard for people to get beyond jealousy or envy regardless of your relationship with them" Friend:   "But Tammy I don't understand, they truly adored Greg" Me:   "They didn't adore him, they adored the fact that you were in a relationship where you could never truly be happy, which meant that you would never be in a better place than them."  Why would I say something like that?  Unfortunately, it is because I really feel like it is true most days.  See "Greg"  is a married man that had no intention of leaving his wife and my friend was depressed and lonely most of the time.  My friend made the decision that she deserved better and worked to find that, which she truly feels that she has.  Is it my place to question or judge that?  Or try to tear it d

As we bring our vacation to a close, I can't help but be thankful for the things that I do have in life:  a wonderful husband, a loving mom, sisters I wouldn't trade for the world, awesome friends, amazing nieces and nephews, a home and a job that helps us keep it. So often , we go through life complaining or listening to complaints about the things we don't have and think we want, things others are doing that we aren't.  Do me a favor, cherish the things you do have because I can assure you that it is much more than the next person; besides you don't truly know what the person on the other side of the fence has gone through or is going through.  Remember you will only see what others want you to see, NOT the truth.  If there is something that you feel you really need in your life, you have the power to change it; just be prepared for what comes along with the choices you make. Well, I have gone off on a tangent.  The point of this post is to highlight the things in

So, the question from of my Q&A book is, are you a leader or a follower ?  My answer, it depends on the situation.  While my position at work automatically deems me a leader, leadership requires much more than a title.  It requires making difficult decisions, caring for others, having difficult conversations, being the one that everyone dislikes, allowing others to lead, offering support (sometimes even when you don't agree) and recovering from failure.  True leaders are able to be comfortable and successful on either side of that line (leading or following), meaning that when circumstance require it, they step up. In most situations, I am a leader always seeking successful outcomes, but there have been plenty of situations where I was disappointed in my actions or words, questioning why I did something, or apologizing for not maintaining a leadership demeanor.  Do those few instances represent me as a whole?  Personally, I think that we are all human and sometimes our beh

Headed back home from dropping my nephew back at school for his spring semester.  So amazing to see him growing into a young man.  When young people, kids, are growing you always wonder how they will mature, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  What's totally inexplicable is the person, young adult, that they actually become. While I don't spend as much time with my nieces as nephews as I would like to, I did get 1 on 1 time with both my niece and nephew that are currently in college.  These two people are much more than even their parents can see right now.  As adults, we tend to not give younger people enough credit.  The one benefit of not having any kids in the house is that I simply get to see them both as adults with their own lives to lead.  Both are confident, smart, fearless, and open.  To listen to them talk about things that they want, learn, or have lets you know that they have not only put thought to whatever it they're considering, they have al

Currently, I am reading a few books, two in particular: The Silent Wife and Sycamore Row .  While the expectation is that these novels will be discussed at the end, there are a few statements/situations within both that I find interesting and want to explore more.  Therefore, I want to provide my perspective on some of these situations and hear what others may think.  So, if you like, feel free to respond.  I may make similar posts down the road. The synopsis of The Silent Wife tells us that it is "...a finely wrought, emotionally charged psychological thriller about a marriage in the throes of dissolution, a couple headed for catastrophe, concessions that can’t be made, and promises that won’t be kept " http://asaharrison.com/ What it doesn't tell you, is that the "wife" is a thriving Psychologist with her own practice that is very good at understanding/reading people.  Why is this interesting?  Because the story flip-flops from each perspective, you ge