Are you a leader or a follower?

So, the question from of my Q&A book is, are you a leader or a follower? 

My answer, it depends on the situation.  While my position at work automatically deems me a leader, leadership requires much more than a title.  It requires making difficult decisions, caring for others, having difficult conversations, being the one that everyone dislikes, allowing others to lead, offering support (sometimes even when you don't agree) and recovering from failure.  True leaders are able to be comfortable and successful on either side of that line (leading or following), meaning that when circumstance require it, they step up.

In most situations, I am a leader always seeking successful outcomes, but there have been plenty of situations where I was disappointed in my actions or words, questioning why I did something, or apologizing for not maintaining a leadership demeanor.  Do those few instances represent me as a whole?  Personally, I think that we are all human and sometimes our behaviors are less than what we expect or want, but that shouldn't be the determining factor of what you represent.  However, I understand that we all have differing opinions.  What's your perspective?

What are you?

If you need some help with this one, consider asking yourself some of the questions below.  Hopefully, they will help you to answer this question for yourself.

• Are you willing to speak up regardless of the audience?
• When challenges arise, do you close up shop and stop trying?
• Do you often let the ideas /thoughts of others overshadow your own views with little consideration?
• Do you prefer influencing or guiding people to make better choices or simply telling them what to do? (Controlling versus leading)
• Do people often come to you seeking your thoughts in situations?

 

A Job Well Done

Headed back home from dropping my nephew back at school for his spring semester.  So amazing to see him growing into a young man.  When young people, kids, are growing you always wonder how they will mature, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  What's totally inexplicable is the person, young adult, that they actually become.

While I don't spend as much time with my nieces as nephews as I would like to, I did get 1 on 1 time with both my niece and nephew that are currently in college.  These two people are much more than even their parents can see right now.  As adults, we tend to not give younger people enough credit.  The one benefit of not having any kids in the house is that I simply get to see them both as adults with their own lives to lead.  Both are confident, smart, fearless, and open.  To listen to them talk about things that they want, learn, or have lets you know that they have not only put thought to whatever it they're considering, they have also listened what their parents-people they admire- have to say.  I am overly proud of my nephew, Donnovan and my niece, Brittany and I want them both to know it.  I also want them to know that Jamie and I are only a call away.  

To their parents I say, great job, it is a huge accomplishment to have raised two mature, strong-minded, and intelligent people; keep being their support system and remember their are young adults who have been listening despite their initial responses.  

P.S.  If there are misspellings/incorrect grammar/punctuation, please forgive me this time, as I am in the car.

Reading does make you think...go figure

Currently, I am reading a few books, two in particular: The Silent Wife and Sycamore Row.  While the expectation is that these novels will be discussed at the end, there are a few statements/situations within both that I find interesting and want to explore more.  Therefore, I want to provide my perspective on some of these situations and hear what others may think.  So, if you like, feel free to respond.  I may make similar posts down the road.

The synopsis of The Silent Wife tells us that it is "...a finely wrought, emotionally charged psychological thriller about a marriage in the throes of dissolution, a couple headed for catastrophe, concessions that can’t be made, and promises that won’t be kept"
http://asaharrison.com/

What it doesn't tell you, is that the "wife" is a thriving Psychologist with her own practice that is very good at understanding/reading people.  Why is this interesting?  Because the story flip-flops from each perspective, you get to see how the each person's mind is working as he or she goes through life.  It is even interesting how the thoughts of the "wife" seem more substantial than that of her husband's.  I am sure this is mainly because she is a doctor and he is a real estate developer. 

One of the first few statements that made me stop and think was this one; "Other people are not here to fulfill our needs or meet our expectations, nor will they always treat us well.  Failure to accept this will generate feelings of anger and resentment.  Peace of mind comes with taking people as they are and emphasizing the positive."  First, what does this mean?  The things that you truly need in life will more than likely not come from other people.  Stop focusing on what you think people should do or say because it is will cause stress and emotion for things you can never change. 

Think about it, how many times have you gotten upset because you thought someone else would do something differently and how did that situation play out? 

Example:  When I went to India, I made it a point to bring back a souvenir for everyone that I cared about or has a consistent part in my life.  First thing I did, when I landed in the US was send everyone a text saying that I was back in the states and had souvenirs for them. 

My expectation: Everyone would be happy that I thought enough to bring them something back and would eagerly try to collect their souvenirs. 
My reality: Most people were happy.  One person never came over to see me, even acted as though they were upset with me (for what I am still no so sure) and barely responded/talked to me for some time. 
My reaction: I then got upset and began pondering all the potential things that the person could have been mad about and kept annoying Jamie with the situation.
My final resolution: Let it go.  I showed an appreciation that most often never reciprocated.  I had to let it go and I sent the souvenir to a friend that I knew would love anything that I sent her.  After I let it go and said I did my part, I had to accept that people are people and I can't base their actions on what I think should be.