Just want to say thank you - to my sisters!

If you have been following this blog for a while, you know that I have a few sisters. Three, to be exact, and I have yet to write a post dedicated to them.  I have actually attempted many times but could never write the message how I saw it (I know it makes no sense).  My writing is an expression of me and so are my sisters, so I want it to be right.

Nevertheless, I thought what better time than to post about my sisters than on Thanksgiving Day.  A time when people should be celebrating life, love and treasured moments with those that they love.  Well, I don’t get to spend every Thanksgiving with my sisters.  I love them like no other and I don't tell them enough.  So, for them, I write:

There are many similar characteristics evident in each of my sisters.  Below are a few:

·      General - strong, smart, beautiful, feisty, curious, caring, determined

·      Happy – funny, thoughtful, loving

·      Hurt – sarcastic, sensitive, unapproachable, withdrawn

·      Angry - bullheaded, relentlessness, determined to be right

Felicia is the oldest and the shortest (she really hates that).  Felicia has the ability to adjust to the situation as needed; she is constantly in situations with various personalities and she takes them with ease.  She likes to be the center of attention and people are drawn to her.  Her poise is one of the things I admire most about her.  The only time you will see her get ruffled is when it is concerning someone close (or when her brain is being attacked by outer forces – love you sis!)

Tanis (Niecy) is a couple of years younger than me (she is a middle child as well).  Niecy has the strength of an ox, physically and emotionally.  I admire her ability to just keep pushing through regardless of obstacles.  When I am in situations where I am told to picture something strong, she is no doubt what I see every time.  The only challenge with her kind of strength is that it is always tested… ALWAYS.  She will always rise above it, you (and no one else) will ever stop her from achieving greatness.  You will also never stop her from getting the last word in (couldn’t resist).

Veronica (Ronnie) is my baby sister (spoiled rotten).  Ronnie is tenacious.  If she wants something, she will get it.  She may not go about it conventionally but it will be hers.  She will try her hardest not to be rude or intrusive, but you will not deter her.  Don’t mistake her smile, silliness, or fun-loving spirit for naivety, you will be sorely disappointed in the results of that misjudgment.

The differences are fewer (they would never admit to it) but the major differences are the varying levels in which each are represented in the given sister.  Though I don’t tell them as often as I should, each of my sisters have been an inspiration to me.  We don’t go out in the world and pretend to be best friends or like we talk every day but there is a respect, closeness, and love that cannot be replaced by anyone or anything else on this earth.  When we are together, you are likely to experience varying levels of our relationships and characteristics.  The experience is remarkable; it takes you from maddening to warm with love within minutes.  Not quite sure how my mom managed it with everything that she was faced with but she created a family like no other (no biases at all)! 

I have to finish cooking now. 

Cherish the time you have with those you love, time isn’t guaranteed. Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving!  

Just want to say thank you - to my sisters!

If you have been following this blog for a while, you know that I have a few sisters. Three, to be exact, and I have yet to write a post dedicated to them.  I have actually attempted many times but could never write the message how I saw it (I know it makes no sense).  My writing is an expression of me and so are my sisters, so I want it to be right.

Nevertheless, I thought what better time than to post about my sisters than on Thanksgiving Day.  A time when people should be celebrating life, love and treasured moments with those that they love.  Well, I don’t get to spend every Thanksgiving with my sisters.  I love them like no other and I don't tell them enough.  So, for them, I write:

There are many similar characteristics evident in each of my sisters.  Below are a few:

·      General - strong, smart, beautiful, feisty, curious, caring, determined

·      Happy – funny, thoughtful, loving

·      Hurt – sarcastic, sensitive, unapproachable, withdrawn

·      Angry - bullheaded, relentlessness, determined to be right

Felicia is the oldest and the shortest (she really hates that).  Felicia has the ability to adjust to the situation as needed; she is constantly in situations with various personalities and she takes them with ease.  She likes to be the center of attention and people are drawn to her.  Her poise is one of the things I admire most about her.  The only time you will see her get ruffled is when it is concerning someone close (or when her brain is being attacked by outer forces – love you sis!)

Tanis (Niecy) is a couple of years younger than me (she is a middle child as well).  Niecy has the strength of an ox, physically and emotionally.  I admire her ability to just keep pushing through regardless of obstacles.  When I am in situations where I am told to picture something strong, she is no doubt what I see every time.  The only challenge with her kind of strength is that it is always tested… ALWAYS.  She will always rise above it, you (and no one else) will ever stop her from achieving greatness.  You will also never stop her from getting the last word in (couldn’t resist).

Veronica (Ronnie) is my baby sister (spoiled rotten).  Ronnie is tenacious.  If she wants something, she will get it.  She may not go about it conventionally but it will be hers.  She will try her hardest not to be rude or intrusive, but you will not deter her.  Don’t mistake her smile, silliness, or fun-loving spirit for naivety, you will be sorely disappointed in the results of that misjudgment.

The differences are fewer (they would never admit to it) but the major differences are the varying levels in which each are represented in the given sister.  Though I don’t tell them as often as I should, each of my sisters have been an inspiration to me.  We don’t go out in the world and pretend to be best friends or like we talk every day but there is a respect, closeness, and love that cannot be replaced by anyone or anything else on this earth.  When we are together, you are likely to experience varying levels of our relationships and characteristics.  The experience is remarkable; it takes you from maddening to warm with love within minutes.  Not quite sure how my mom managed it with everything that she was faced with but she created a family like no other (no biases at all)! 

I have to finish cooking now. 

Cherish the time you have with those you love, time isn’t guaranteed. Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving!  

Taking Stock

At various points in our lives, we should take inventory of all things important and how satisfied we are with each aspect.  Why is this important?  In general, it is always good to know what you stand for and are willing to put in the work for.  For me, it helps to gain clarity, focus, and balance. 

I recently learned how to use the life wheel.  I literally spent time deciphering the eight most important things to me.  Now, if you are like me, this can be a very difficult task because you have to weed out the things that you feel should be important or things that others think should be important to you.  Let me take you through my experience:  

Looking at the page, I had several terms that looked like they should matter to me.  Why? Because I was 39. married, a leader within my company.  So, things like, savings, investments, networks, faith, these SHOULD all definitely be on my list; shouldn't they?  

I make a decent living and have some money saved.  I work very hard but is saving money for what might happen truly the only thing I work for?  

I understand the purpose of networks and how they can be useful.  However, I am a fixer, a helper.  Is spending my time looking for use in others something desirable for me?

If you look at my wheel, you don't see faith or religion.  Not because I don't have faith or because I don't believe in God.  Is that wrong?  Am I a bad person?

These are some of the things that I had to really consider as I wrote out my list.  What I discovered were that those things did not truly reflect me or my desires.  I wanted the process to wholly focus on me and my betterment.  So I landed on these eight, marriage, security, personal growth, travel,relationships, family, career, and health.  I then had to rank my level of satisfaction in each label from 0 to 10.  

When I looked at my wheel (see picture), I saw the imbalance.  Yes, I knew that my balance (sense of peace) was off, I didn't need the exercise for that.  What the exercise helped me to see was why it was off.  I wonder if you can tell by reading this post and looking at my picture.
If you think you know why it was off, let me know.  

I encourage everyone to take stock.  I know taking inventory is a long drawn out process.  In the end, it is good to know how much supply you have, where it is, and what its worth. 

Cordova All Stars...

A few years back Jamie and I joined a bowling league with some family members (3 other couples).  from August to April, every week we met on Sundays to compete against others.  The point of us joining was to do something and have fun.  When we started, the majority of us sucked but every week, we were there... and most weeks, we had a great time.  We formed bonds and relationships that are still going strong today.  

After a short while, we all began to focus on supporting each other and getting better.  Let me say that again... our focus (as a group) supporting each other and getting better.  We met at least one other time throughout the week to just hang out and bowl; we even got others to join in on the non-league bowling (now, how cool is that?).  The employees knew us and typically tried to make sure that we had what needed while we were there.  We became pretty consistent and close.  Bowling was were everyone got to be themselves and have a good time (strong bowler or not).  

Why talk about it today?  Well, for one, Jamie and I went bowling on Friday.  While we had a good time, we both agreed that it isn't the same without the 'crew'.  We often miss the Wednesday night bowling over beer after a crazy day at work.  Regardless of what some people think, bowling is exercise.  Healthy competition is a great thing; everyone's averages increased and you could never be sure of who the winner would be.  The support and desire to become better was evident every time we bowled... so very many (yes 'very many') high fives.  It even got me and Jamie going out more (and not just to leave the city!).

While I am not sure that I would bowl in another league that long, I did like the activity, relationship, and fun times that bowling instigated.  Don't get me wrong, there are other activities that could drive similar results, which we would enjoy.  The point is, for us, we don't get to enjoy that type of comradery anymore and we miss it often. 

Celebrating 40 and 20

I met my best friend 20 years ago at a grocery store.  I had no idea on that day that she would be my closest friend for life.  Funny how you don't really no what you need until it is placed in front of you.  She was a crazy grandma and I was a silly nerd (or at least that is what everyone thought).  We saw each other through some pretty interesting times...her first car and job; the ride to Memphis to get my car; her "asthma"; my experiments; my "apartment fiasco: countless birthday celebrations (all I can say is we both ENJOYED ourselves immensely); her and her basketball player; me and my long-distance-but-only-when-are -in-the-same-town beau; graduations; our first houses.  All of this to say, we grew up together.  To me, the college years are when you really start to know yourself and what you want (or at least to start focusing on those things).  She and I did that "finding out" stage together.  Now, that we are "grown-ups" and live in different cities, we don't get to hang out as much.

Last weekend, we got a chance to spend her 40th birthday together.  We drove up to Hot Springs, AR had some scrubs, wraps, massages, and exfoliation; took a duck tour; visited a Wax museum; and hung out at a bar.  While we didn't do much, we had (I had - don't want to put words in her mouth) a really great time.  Times like ours last weekend make me realize how much I do miss my friend.  She is a woman with a great spirit and an awesome heart.  She spends a great deal of her life taking care of other.  That weekend though, she had a chance to not worry about anything and that made me happy.  I truly cherish all the time that I get with my friend and am honored that I get to call her my Bestest.  Love you Kenya Latrice!

P.S.  This is the best picture describing us.  Ha!!!

Confessions of a Mainlander

For those that know me, you know that I truly love travelling…ANYWHERE.  Jamie and I have travelled to some pretty awesome places; even places that others don’t see as awesome.  This year took us to another island in Hawai’i and I need to confess a few things from a mainlander’s perspective.

Getting to Hawai’i can be a bear.  Think about it Hawai’i is a pretty isolated group of islands.  And oh yeah, they are islands.  If you live anywhere (except along the west coast), travelling to Hawai’i can become cumbersome.

My suggestion… If you want to go to Hawai’i, just be prepared.  If you like to read, take a book (one that will keep your interest).  Music your thing, make sure you have at least 6 hours of it.  Do you color?  It may help.  Benadryl put you to sleep, have at it.  Just think through your flight(s).  While we had everything that could keep us amused in our possession, there was no denying that eight hours on a plane, in the main cabin, is a very long time.

Hawai’i is truly beautiful.  The islands that we have visited boast lush greeneries, beautiful flowers, and the bluest waters.  To me, it’s one of those places that I wish everyone could experience.  Natural beauty at its finest.

Laidback is the way to go.  I had dreams of travelling the road to Hana, taking a sunset cruise, seeing the sunrise at Haleakala, and spending some time reading on the beach.  In the end, we spent most of the time sitting on the patios (sorry Jamie, lanais) reading, talking, lounging… Relaxing as we looked out over the island.  I didn’t feel any knots in my shoulders or back all week. 

I feel like the locals may be a little resistant to so much tourism in their town. Hawai’i is a huge tourist sanctuary, meaning its existence hinges vitally on tourism.  People come from all over the world to visit and experience its beauty.  Yet, one of the common themes this time was … the people didn’t want tourist coming through their town or changing the culture.  With a culture that so greatly depends on tourism, it just seems like on a whole people would be more accepting by now.  But hey, that’s just me.  People might say that I am too nice to the source of my funding.

I really don’t believe that non-human creatures and I can coexist in one place.  I have been to a few places now where other creatures frequent inside dwelling spots.  While I don’t consider myself prissy, girlie, or well-to-do, I can assure you that I am not the type of person that can live comfortably with creatures like funny –looking centipede-type bugs, lizards, spiders, ants, monkeys, etc.  I just can’t.  Stop telling me that this how people live in the country or you have to get used to it or they won’t bother you if you don’t bother them. Please just remove them from anywhere that I have to stay.  Please and thank you!

Hawai’i is a group of islands.  As people asked where I was going for vacation, I found myself saying Maui and some people would say, ‘Oh Hawai’i’ as if my statement was incorrect.  So note, Hawai’i consists of eight main islands (I believe).  I am typically hesitant to say Hawai’i because I don’t feel like I am going to or have visited all of Hawai’i.  I guess it is similar to when I talk about visiting California; I typically talk about the cities that I have visited not the state as a whole (because I haven’t visited the entire state).  It’s a funny thing really because Hawai’i isn’t a normal state; it doesn’t fall within the Americas and as mentioned is simply a group of islands.  It is literally easier (and cheaper) for me to get to Mexico or the Caribbean islands than the Hawaiian Islands.

Anyway, these confessions are wholly my own and do not reflect the opinions of the Morris family or the many Hawai’i visitors. 

Time to Focus Up

I was going to write an awesome post about negativity and its impacts... but I had to change direction.  Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy this one.

In earlier posts, I have mentioned one of the reasons that I write; to have an outlet.  Writing is my escape from everything around me.  It helps me to release, regroup and focus.  Release the things I unable to control or change; regroup (arrange thoughts in the correct order); focus (well, this one gets its own section - it's the main theme today).  

FOCUS
While writing helps me get things out constructively, it also serves as a way to hold myself accountable. What does that mean?  Putting your thoughts, irritations, fears, dreams in black and white for the world to see means putting myself out there to be judged/ridiculed whatever people want to do with the information.  I know I have only a few readers (but you are my world) and you have the right to draw from my writings whatever you choose.  But, for me, doing so makes me accountable to the things that I put in black and white; it helps me focus on the person that I am working hard to be every day.

There is always talk of helpings others, being a blessing in someone's life, impacting community, which are all great things that I support.  My belief, you have to do that for yourself before you can ever be that to anyone else.  Action requires desire, commitment, and determination.  So when I give you my truth, it is so I can be true.

Jamie and I have conversations quite often about lip service and he always says don't talk about it just do it.  He is right.  There are several things that I need to stop talking about and start doing.  The very first thing on my list... removing negative responses and/or actions.

Well, I guess we will talk a little about negativity anyway.  See, I don't think that it is possible to totally cease negative thoughts.  I think that is just human nature; there is always a chance that something or someone will not respond as you expected, disagree with a thought you had, or simply be rude.  There are tons of things that trigger non-positive thoughts in each of us.  What I can change is how I react/respond.  Choosing to be positive is an action; choosing to be a better me is an action.  Let's see what happens...

Big Family Small Family (Sisters or No Sisters)

I have been working on this post for some time now not because I didn't know what my answer would be but because I couldn't focus on posting.  During the time that I have been trying to write this post, occurrences related to family have "riled me up" so to speak.  So now as a part of my release, I am writing the post that should have been posted at least a week ago.

Background on me and my response to annoyance.  (Yes, bullet points)

1. Review and assess => Was there something that I did or said to cause those words or actions?
2. Talk it out => go through the situation with someone else (typically Jamie or Kenya)
3. Determine resolution => Ignore/Respond
4. Resolve => Take the action from number 3
5. Release => Let go 

Now, don't get it twisted, this has not always been my response.  I used to play right into the annoyance and emotions.  Through growth and a lot of life, I am now able to tap into what is my core and respond accordingly.

So the question that I have been trying to respond to is this, "If you had been able to choose, would you rather have been an only child or part of a large family?"  I know you are wondering, how does the previous tie into this question.  Well, let me see if I can construct a bridge.

I think when you are younger, you always want what appears to be better than what you have.  Living in a house with several people, at some point, your thoughts are 'I wish I had been an only child'.  I can honestly say I didn't have that thought TOO much (until I got a boyfriend :-) )  The reality is that I wasn't an only child and I can't change what my situation was.  As I look at my life, I know that some of the greatest things that I have learned about family, sisters, being a woman, being a friend, is due to having a larger family.  

There was a period of time, maybe when I was between age 20 and 27, my sisters were the closest friends I had and we hung out at least once every week.  I do miss those times greatly and think of them often; but life had to move on.  Years later, I have grown nieces and nephews, added sisters, brothers, cousins and a BOATLOAD of capture moments.  It's partly because of the family that I have that I can now respond to varying things as mentioned above.  I have learned what's important to me and I intend to keep that at the forefront of my life at all times.

Regardless of the disagreements, the distance, the lack of quality time, differing personalities, I love my family without a doubt.  The answer to the question: I would choose a large family.  While the answers may not be the same from others on either side of my family, I would still choose my family.

I sure hope you didn't think my answer would be different.  :-)

Ahhhh, technology

I read something a long while ago that said something to the effect that while technology has advanced society greatly it has had an interesting impact on personal relationships.  At the time, I knew that our communication with one another had changed and that there was less intimate communication but I hadn't fully grasped it meaning... until yesterday.  

Yesterday, Jamie and I decided it was time for us to see the Parthenon (in Centennial Park) up close.  It took us a while to find a park but we did.  We got out and started to walk.  During our walk, I mentioned that people could hardly walk for playing (fiddling) with their phones.  On our way back, Jamie said, "Let's count how many people we see on their phones".  Total number 31 of 35 of the people we saw on the way back to the car were on their phones rather than enjoying the people they were with and the somewhat peaceful location.  The four that weren't on phone, you ask?  Two less than 4 years old, then a grandmother and her granddaughter (our deduction not a fact).

Why is this relevant to me today?  Because... I wonder what we miss when we focus all of our attention to the technology that give us so much access.  I feel like we become so consumed with things far out of our control and so distant from our everyday live that we miss the things going on people right in front of us.  I don't presume to know what is happening in everyone's lives at all times.  However, consider this, when is the last time you at down and had a live/face-to-face conversation with someone you loved?

I am all for technology and access information, don't ever doubt that.  I too enjoy my devices and fingertip access to many topics and things.  But I also enjoy the intimate times that I have with those I love.  This time is spent talking, laughing, enjoying companionship, building bonds; it is time to relax and let go of the everyday stresses.  My wish is that everyone gets time to experience it and cherish it.

Personal Reflection

I woke up this morning really wanting to write something.  As I struggled with what to write about, I found myself thinking, 'should it be something encouraging, personal, honest?'  What I landed on was something that has been on my mind for a little while.  

Interestingly enough, something related to this just came up with family members here in the cabin.  The discussion was around how someone can be happy or sad about losing a friend.  While I see how people may can think that this isn't a happy situation, there is some merit to the fact that they lost that friend for a reason.  There was something about the relationship that caused pain or stress.  To rid that pain/stress, the relationship needed to end; thus creating a happier life for the impacted party.  I guess from my perspective, if both parties are happy and the relationship is beneficial to both, there is no reason for it to end.

Why is this relevant to my post today?  Relationships are something very important to me.  That being said, I put effort into nourishing and protecting them.  It bothers me to have people in my life that fabricate their feelings/interests for selfish reasons.  So let me explain that a little further.  Relationships are built on trust, respect and some type of commonality between two people.  In order for them to be successful, you have to truly care (or even like) the other person.  If you don't, it becomes work to be with or around them and the feelings of dislike become more visible. 

Emotional discord causes many unhealthy habits and responses to normal situations.  Thinks of it as a job you hate going to, every day you wake up and pray to simply get through it as quickly as possible without any setbacks.  You give yourself pep talks and try to avoid things that you know will cause more work on your end.  If we aren’t paying attentions that can easily happen in relationships as well.  Do you really want that continued stress in your life?  As my husband likes to say so often, have you done the risk/reward analysis on the relationships in your life?  I know it is hard because of what these relationships represent.  I TRULY DO UNDERSTAND.  There are relationships that I wish were better, stronger; but I couldn’t be in them by myself and I couldn’t continue carrying the emotional baggage that came with them. 

Depending on the nature of the relationship, they don’t have to completely end.  Some can be salvaged but the determination of what’s most important to you and your life as an individual has to occur.  Once you know what that is, you can decide your approach.  Maybe you have a conversation with that individual about what you are feeling to see if it can be salvaged; maybe you just slowly let the contact with that individual die out; maybe you the contact is just on holidays or events.  The choice is yours.  I just encourage us all to make that assessment of all existing relationships (personal and professional).  Are they comfortable? Is there a calmness that comes over you when you think of them?  Are they beneficial to both of you? 

I say this often but feel I need to repeat.  Life is short; don’t waste it on the things that don’t encourage joy and peace in your life.

Turning 40....

Was doing some reading recently and I was asked to consider the following; What I thought I was going to be when I grew up.  Considering that I recently turned 40, I figured now was as good of a time as any to broach this topic.  Growing up, there were always three things that I wanted to be, a teacher, a computer programmer, and  a mother.  Funny how life works.

At 40, I am none of those things but I am happy and on a slow path to a healthy lifestyle. Someone told me, "Tammy 40 is the new 20".  My response, "My 40 is 40, I don't want to be 20 again.  I have done that and quite frankly I am extremely happy that I made it this far in life and become a bit more mature" (yes, living to 40 has been doubtful, but that's another story). You get all this commentary about what you should do or what must be happening for your 40th.  No one ever really asked me what I wanted to do for my 40th (outside of the better part of me; he always seems to know what I need from him).  I spent th first part of the day with those that I work with and the second part with my man and it as great for me.  He asked me what I wanted and outside of him, there was not much.  I told him had we had more time, it would have been nice to have a few people over for dinner and games but we can do that any time of the year.  His presence and presents were much more than a girl could ask for.  

For me, life isn't about the big extravagances, it's about the simple moments and time spent with those that you love; creating memories that are priceless.  Not many people can enjoy instances of this nature and that's unfortunate.  I am 40 and the best me that I have ever been;  my focus love and live life as I choose... Try it!

My Favorite Person...

I was struggling with what I should write about today.  Not because I didn't have any ideas but because most of them would probably come off the wrong way right now.  So, in looking at potential themes, I ran across 'My Favorite Person'.  With this topic, I am supposed to talk about the most time that I have ever spent apart from my favorite person.  Given that Valentine's Day is tomorrow, I thought this would be the perfect time to write about my husband.

The most time I have ever spent away from him was when I went to India for a month.  So, first things first, going to India was the opportunity of a lifetime and all I could think about was, I wish Jamie could go with me; I still wish that today.  There were so many things that I got to see and experience that would have been totally amazing to him.  

While I was gone, I missed him terribly.  Since Jamie and I have been together (about 15 years including dating time), we have never been more than a week without seeing each other.  I know it sounds crazy but it is true.  Jamie and I have an interesting relationship in that we work, play, and live together.  It is truly amazing to have someone that I can spend so much time with and never get bored with (he may feel differently but we are talking about my feelings right now).

So, me in India without my most favorite person and a 10 hour time difference; CRAZY.  We typically only talked once a day via Skype.  Now, how do you go from being able to connect and talk every minute of the day to one scheduled time via the computer each day?  Let's just say we made it through and it was truly hard for me.  Every time I saw, heard or experienced something, I wanted to talk to Jamie.  At night, I wanted to get in the bed with my husband.

I will never forget the amazing things that happened to me when I was in India and I am truly grateful for the insight, perspective and growth this trip triggered.  However, when I set foot in the Memphis airport and found my husband, it was the GREATEST feeling ever to be back in his arms.

TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FOR BEING THE MAN THAT YOU ARE, YOU ARE TRULY A GIFT THAT I WILL ALWAYS CHERISH!!!

Wondering if...

Recently, I discovered that a previous classmate, NaturalBrownMomma, is also fellow blogger/writer.  This realization excited me and got me to thinking.  Thinking about the commonalities that I shared with others that I/we never knew; not that we didn't like one another.  We simply never put ourselves in situations to explore those commonalities.  We each had focuses and people that made us comfortable and never stretched beyond that familiarity.  Why is that important?  For me, it is an example of how I closed myself off (didn't embrace many things outside my box).  

I know you are thinking, what the heck is she saying.  Let me explain further.  Growing up, we learn in one very key way, observation.  You thought I was going to say school, didn't you?  Sorry, I believe we learn from personal experience.  Granted, I am not talking about English, Math, and Science.  I am referring to how we become us: how we speak, behave, and approach life.  We observe our family members, our teachers, our friends, church members; learning things like right from wrong, acceptable behaviors, what relationships look like, where to put focus.  As we observe, we start to separate aspects of life into what we like, don't like, and don't know.  

The first two are expected because we are exposed and make a decision from there.  The third is the most interesting because it is the one that sparks fear.  Fear is often the hindrance to tackling those things we do not know and causes us to close ourselves off. This process of closing off can often end is missed opportunities.  As we grow older, this process is only broken by force from someone or something.  The realization I mentioned earlier was a missed opportunity.  Being able to discuss writing with this classmate could have encouraged us both, especially as life started to unfold.  

Let me see if I can bring all of this together.  Exposure is one of the greatest ways to unearth things you enjoy, varying relationships, and hidden talents.  It provides perspective and encourages forethought.  The last thing I want for myself and anyone else is to spend a lifetime wondering, "What if I had..."

Father's Day...

If you have been reading my blog long enough, you know that my father has been dead since I was three years old.  Growing up without a father or male-figure in your life is pretty interesting and, for each person, a different experience.  At times, I wonder what my life would have been like had he not died or had it been my mother instead.  Don't get me wrong, from what I know of my father, I believe that I got the best deal possible for me; I just wonder. 

When I was in my mid-to-late teens, I started to tell my mother Happy Father's Day because it was important to me.  I know every parent has to make sacrifices in the efforts to provide for their children the best way they can.  In most cases, a single parent has a plethora of other family members that can help and even step in as a prominent male figure in a child's life.  My mother didn't have that type of support.  In fact, she was often that support beyond the kids that she birthed.  While I never bought my mom a present on Father's Day, I made it a point to let her know that I truly appreciate everything she did for me despite the presence of a strong male role in my life.  Did she ever ask for that?  No, she never did.  Did she ever degrade the father I had?  No, with all of the things that she faced with him as a husband, she never degraded him.  Despite the trials and tribulations that she overcame to raise her daughters, she showed me how to be a strong woman. 

What did she do?  Without realization, she taught me to stand-up for myself, never settle, what a strong male looks like, and to never lose sight of what's important.  

Back to the point of this post... With social media being the comfort (or norm) in most people's lives, I get to read varying posts about people wishing their mother's a Happy Father's Day.  While these post go from one end of the spectrum to the other, they all represent someone's individual thoughts and are usually based on their own situation.  My challenge to anyone bothering to read this post is to think beyond your current situation.  Try to imagine a life (truly imagine) totally opposite of your own and see what you come up with.  When you do this, you have to truly put yourself in someone else's situation without carrying over your own behaviors, set of values, or general perceptions.  Maybe then, we can focus on strengthening the family life rather than tearing down each other's individual thoughts/beliefs.