If my family was...

Growing up we got to see all of these great families on TV and I used to think, “what if that were my family?”  I literally did this with every TV family show that I watched, from the Brady Bunch, to Family Ties, to the Cosby Show.  But, as I try to imagine which family I most identified with, I would have to say the Facts of Life.  They were not the family usually depicted as a normal American family, but they were indeed family.  Five women trying to understand life and survive under one roof with two bathrooms –  definitely my life growing up.  But the assignment is to talk about the family you would want to be a part of if you could and why.  My chosen family is the Ingalls.  That’s right folks, the Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie.  I loved that show growing up and even read the books.  Laura Ingalls Wilder is who I wanted my life patterned after or at least what I deduced her life to be from the show and books.

Let me just say, for clarity, I DO NOT hate how, where, or with whom I grew up.  I love my family without a doubt.  I am thankful for the life lessons and the person that I am today; I don’t know that I would be the same person without them.  Whether people will admit it or not, everyone dreams of a life they have never known or had, it’s human nature. 

Now, back to the Ingalls.  Everybody knows that I grew up in a single-parent home.  Naturally, families that have a father, engaged in the family, is an experience that I coveted growing up.  Not because my mom didn’t do a great job, but because I wanted to know what that type of love and protection felt like. 

The Ingalls were a very close family in that everything they had, they worked as a family to get.  Everyone had their assigned task/responsibility in the functioning and success of their lives.  Each of them respected their positions and basically just got it done.  Now, we had chores and had to look after each other when at school or someone else’s house, but I don’t think we have/had a true appreciation for what my mom sacrificed or even how bad it had truly gotten at times.  There seemed to be a better understanding of the Ingalls’ household, which many times played out in the kids decisions.

For those of you that didn’t watch little house on the prairie, the family lived in the middle of some farmland in what was basically a barn.  Six people, one room, figuring out life, family, and love.  Seems strange that this is something that would appeal to me given that today we live in a house where Jamie and I could basically not see each other for days if we so chose.  Not a mansion by any means but definitely more space than is needed for us to live a full life.  To me, there is a certain bond, respect and understanding that comes from sharing a small space with someone else and still have a great affection for that person.  Again, this is my story.

Another reason, this family appealed to me was because of the experience the kids had that are somewhat taken for granted now and when I was growing up; making/creating everyday things, clothes, notebooks for school.  That’s knowledge that is somewhat lost today.  I get it, you can just go to the store and buy what you need today, right?  What if you couldn’t?  Do you know how appreciative of things people are when they make them themselves?

Yes, that’s the family I would be a part of.  They were loyal to a fault, seemed to genuinely enjoyed each other’s company, always thankful and supportive, and proud of themselves and one another.

Not This Again (Reoccurring Themes in My Life)

Saturday was my mom’s birthday!  I spent the bulk of the weekend with mom, my sister, and my nephew.  As we all know hanging with family brings a series of events; some familiar and hopefully some new.   As I thought about the day, it made me think about this week’s topic, Reoccurring Life Themes.

So, what do I mean when I say ‘Reoccurring Life Themes’?  As far back as I can remember, there are a few things that are constantly associated, said, or happen to me; be it a thought or an event.  The ones I tend to remember are the ones that impacted me the most as I developed.

Running into things in my own house.  I am not talking about an ancillary shoe or bag.  I am talking about the same walls or bed that have been in this house for as long as we have lived here (11 years).  I just can’t seem to get around it.  I get when I am unfocused but I will admit that there are times when I consciously try to miss the wall in one spot and end up running into it somewhere else or run into the couch.  I really don’t know what to do here.  HELP!!!

Situations where someone (usually close to me) has to talk about how sensitive I am… This one is very true.  I am sensitive, paranoid, and nervous.  While these characteristics are inherent to me, I have just learned to manage my response mainly by deciding what’s most important to me.  If it is not at the top, I work to let it go, quickly. 

Pointing out to me (while with others) that I don’t have kids… No shit Sherlock!  I am pretty sure that’s something I should know.  However, I have learned that this is a way for some (mainly women) to put me in my place, make me feel less than or disregard anything that I have said.  This used to bother me greatly and people knew it, that’s why they used it.  Quite honestly, I did feel less than.  Over the years, I have changed my response.

“You would know that…” It’s amazing to me that people, in general, use knowledge in a derogatory manner.  When family members and/or friends do it, it seems very contradictory to the ‘perception’ of a family.  My response to it today, “Yes, I know things, several things.  Thanks for noticing!”

“You always talking to…” Yes, I like people; I genuinely like people (until they give me a reason not to).  It is ok for me to speak to people as I encounter them and simply ask them about their day.  It doesn’t make me an alien species.  Try smiling and speaking to someone you would normally ignore; do it for them not you.  This one is just something I accept and don’t plan on changing anytime soon.

The assumption that I am naive… I think this comes about because I am nice.  Like I said before, I like people.  The motivation in my life is being able to fix things and help people.  Unfortunately, this means that there are many people that want to take advantage.  To deal with this, I typically use the 'you can get me once method'.

 

The point of listing these things is to note that repetitive experiences are bound to happen; sometimes with the same people.  I have learned that much of it comes from our response or reaction to it.  For the things that matter, I learned to change or confront and ignored the rest.  What I have found is that the reoccurrence decreased or went away.  Many times those that haven’t gone away are the ones that I have learned to let roll off my shoulders.

My Bucket List (or maybe not)!

My friend and I are working together to make time for the things we enjoy.  As a part of that, over the next few blogs, I will discuss topics agreed upon by the two of us.  I like this idea for two main reasons 1) I am writing continuously and that is a great release for me and 2) she and I will connect more on a regular basis. 

This week’s topic is the things that I never want to do/experience before I die.

•  I have no desire to run a marathon.  Let me be honest, even when I was smaller (in size) I didn’t like running.  Regardless of everything that others say about running, it simply is not my thing.

• I never want to bungee, base, or parachute jump.  If it requires me to jump out of something towards the ground, count Tee Tee OUT!!! Love ya, but NO!  At least not for amusement purposes.  For life saving, no other way out circumstances, maybe.

• I don’t want to ever be confined to my home state.  For me, traveling is reconnecting with my husband and life partner.  Travel is experiencing something new and different with one person who knows me like no other.

• I hope to never disappoint those that matter.  I know I will never do everything that someone else wants or expects from me, but I never want to do something that those that matter can’t respect.

• I never again want to feel loneliness.

• I never want to know what it feels like to be betrayed/disregarded by someone close to me.  My trust and loyalty are sacred, don’t misuse them for your own delight.

I know it’s a short list but these are some of the things I don’t want to experience. 

In my mind (don’t know what others may see), I don’t ask for much.  I guess my point is this...

Life is short, don’t spend it chasing someone else’s dream.  Find out what it is that bring you peace, happiness, calmness, and DON’T LOSE IT.