What about the things you do have?

As we bring our vacation to a close, I can't help but be thankful for the things that I do have in life:  a wonderful husband, a loving mom, sisters I wouldn't trade for the world, awesome friends, amazing nieces and nephews, a home and a job that helps us keep it.

So often , we go through life complaining or listening to complaints about the things we don't have and think we want, things others are doing that we aren't.  Do me a favor, cherish the things you do have because I can assure you that it is much more than the next person; besides you don't truly know what the person on the other side of the fence has gone through or is going through.  Remember you will only see what others want you to see, NOT the truth.  If there is something that you feel you really need in your life, you have the power to change it; just be prepared for what comes along with the choices you make.

Well, I have gone off on a tangent.  The point of this post is to highlight the things in my life that I cherish.  With this time away, I get to think more about my life, Jamie's life, and our lives together and about where we started.  It seems that every vacation Jamie and I take gets better and better.  I think it because each time we spend more time focusing on each other and nothing else.  The one thing I will say, from personal experience of course, is that every marriage deserves that kind of attention.  

Are you a leader or a follower?

So, the question from of my Q&A book is, are you a leader or a follower? 

My answer, it depends on the situation.  While my position at work automatically deems me a leader, leadership requires much more than a title.  It requires making difficult decisions, caring for others, having difficult conversations, being the one that everyone dislikes, allowing others to lead, offering support (sometimes even when you don't agree) and recovering from failure.  True leaders are able to be comfortable and successful on either side of that line (leading or following), meaning that when circumstance require it, they step up.

In most situations, I am a leader always seeking successful outcomes, but there have been plenty of situations where I was disappointed in my actions or words, questioning why I did something, or apologizing for not maintaining a leadership demeanor.  Do those few instances represent me as a whole?  Personally, I think that we are all human and sometimes our behaviors are less than what we expect or want, but that shouldn't be the determining factor of what you represent.  However, I understand that we all have differing opinions.  What's your perspective?

What are you?

If you need some help with this one, consider asking yourself some of the questions below.  Hopefully, they will help you to answer this question for yourself.

• Are you willing to speak up regardless of the audience?
• When challenges arise, do you close up shop and stop trying?
• Do you often let the ideas /thoughts of others overshadow your own views with little consideration?
• Do you prefer influencing or guiding people to make better choices or simply telling them what to do? (Controlling versus leading)
• Do people often come to you seeking your thoughts in situations?

 

A Job Well Done

Headed back home from dropping my nephew back at school for his spring semester.  So amazing to see him growing into a young man.  When young people, kids, are growing you always wonder how they will mature, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  What's totally inexplicable is the person, young adult, that they actually become.

While I don't spend as much time with my nieces as nephews as I would like to, I did get 1 on 1 time with both my niece and nephew that are currently in college.  These two people are much more than even their parents can see right now.  As adults, we tend to not give younger people enough credit.  The one benefit of not having any kids in the house is that I simply get to see them both as adults with their own lives to lead.  Both are confident, smart, fearless, and open.  To listen to them talk about things that they want, learn, or have lets you know that they have not only put thought to whatever it they're considering, they have also listened what their parents-people they admire- have to say.  I am overly proud of my nephew, Donnovan and my niece, Brittany and I want them both to know it.  I also want them to know that Jamie and I are only a call away.  

To their parents I say, great job, it is a huge accomplishment to have raised two mature, strong-minded, and intelligent people; keep being their support system and remember their are young adults who have been listening despite their initial responses.  

P.S.  If there are misspellings/incorrect grammar/punctuation, please forgive me this time, as I am in the car.

Reading does make you think...go figure

Currently, I am reading a few books, two in particular: The Silent Wife and Sycamore Row.  While the expectation is that these novels will be discussed at the end, there are a few statements/situations within both that I find interesting and want to explore more.  Therefore, I want to provide my perspective on some of these situations and hear what others may think.  So, if you like, feel free to respond.  I may make similar posts down the road.

The synopsis of The Silent Wife tells us that it is "...a finely wrought, emotionally charged psychological thriller about a marriage in the throes of dissolution, a couple headed for catastrophe, concessions that can’t be made, and promises that won’t be kept"
http://asaharrison.com/

What it doesn't tell you, is that the "wife" is a thriving Psychologist with her own practice that is very good at understanding/reading people.  Why is this interesting?  Because the story flip-flops from each perspective, you get to see how the each person's mind is working as he or she goes through life.  It is even interesting how the thoughts of the "wife" seem more substantial than that of her husband's.  I am sure this is mainly because she is a doctor and he is a real estate developer. 

One of the first few statements that made me stop and think was this one; "Other people are not here to fulfill our needs or meet our expectations, nor will they always treat us well.  Failure to accept this will generate feelings of anger and resentment.  Peace of mind comes with taking people as they are and emphasizing the positive."  First, what does this mean?  The things that you truly need in life will more than likely not come from other people.  Stop focusing on what you think people should do or say because it is will cause stress and emotion for things you can never change. 

Think about it, how many times have you gotten upset because you thought someone else would do something differently and how did that situation play out? 

Example:  When I went to India, I made it a point to bring back a souvenir for everyone that I cared about or has a consistent part in my life.  First thing I did, when I landed in the US was send everyone a text saying that I was back in the states and had souvenirs for them. 

My expectation: Everyone would be happy that I thought enough to bring them something back and would eagerly try to collect their souvenirs. 
My reality: Most people were happy.  One person never came over to see me, even acted as though they were upset with me (for what I am still no so sure) and barely responded/talked to me for some time. 
My reaction: I then got upset and began pondering all the potential things that the person could have been mad about and kept annoying Jamie with the situation.
My final resolution: Let it go.  I showed an appreciation that most often never reciprocated.  I had to let it go and I sent the souvenir to a friend that I knew would love anything that I sent her.  After I let it go and said I did my part, I had to accept that people are people and I can't base their actions on what I think should be. 
 

As 2014 approaches, 2013 comes to an end

Well, it's New Year's Eve and I thought it best to close this year out with a review of 2013.  I was listening to NPR one Saturday and listened to different people summarize their 2013 lives (as a part of Hanukkah) and I thought what a good practice.  I like the idea of this practice, mainly because we, as human beings, tend to forget (or overshadow) the great blessings and often the negative actions we have encouraged (intentional and unintentional).  Don't get it twisted, we most definitely remember ALL of the negative things that have happened to us but we spend little time on those that we gave out; but that's another topic on another day.

Blessings for the year

• Celebrated my 10th year of marriage with the greatest husband and friend; who could have imagined the love, respect, and connection I have with this man?
• Spent 7 nights on the Kaui'i island in Hawai'i; what?
• Spent 30 days in India; met many new friends, learned more about an interesting culture, and saw some great Mughal architecture (including the Taj Mahal).
• Got to see my best friend several times (more than the normal 3-4 times a year); total awesomeness!
• Every person in the household saw a salary increase (via promotions and an adjustment for an impending promotion); some hard-working individuals in this camp.
• Went to Vegas for the first time; had a great time with the bestest!
• Finally took a trip with Jamie's side of the family; we had a really good time and I think his parents REALLY enjoyed themselves and that makes me so happy.
• Realized why friends are so special to me.  Yes, I will share.  Friends are so special to me because they are the people that choose to love you REGARDLESS of affiliation.  If more clarity is needed, be sure to bring it up in the future.
• Received unexpected gifts on Christmas.  Although they may never know it, it meant a lot to us that we were thought of in this way.  Secret: it touched my heart so much that I cried a little.

Negative actions

• Let the selfishness of others get to me and responded accordingly (several times)
• Didn't talk to my sisters much
• Didn't spend enough time with the friends that I do have; must change this in the new year.
• I felt horrible that we didn't get others (outside of niece and nephews) gifts for Christmas; irrespective of my intent, this is a negative action because it implies that the givers expected something in return or felt obligated and I should never discount the spirit of giving, ever.
• Dreaded and complained about taking out my extensions when Jamie requested because I was too scared to see what my hair looked like. 

All in all a great year, my negative actions seem low.  I should probably double-check that list and update if necessary.  See what I mean, it is hard to go back and review your own negative actions.  I encourage you to at least think about the blessings from this year, if it looks as though you haven't received any then it is my guess that you have truly let the negatives outweigh all the great things in your life.

This post is pretty long so I am finished for today.  It's New Year's Eve, I have to go and figure out how to improve things for 2014.

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!!!

Hanging out...

Last night, I hung out with one of my really good friends and some of her friends.  Thought the course of the night, we all had various conversations went from one place to the next and just enjoyed conversation and the people around us.  To me, that's what hanging out should be about; not about exclusion/using people.

In life, we spend too much time focusing on the wrong things.  Life is too short fake relationships; if you don't want to spend time with me then don't.  Jamie and I have a great time together and very seldom NEED to spend time with others.  While we enjoy hanging out with others, we can't continue putting more into our relationships than others are willing to give.

So, as a part of the things that I learned, here's one

People are who they are no matter what you do or say, if you don't like them or to be around them, don't.  You aren't helping the relationship by forcing something that doesn't exist.

Reality - Progress - Next Steps

So, one of my co-workers asked me if I realized that I was one step away from being a Director my response, "Sometimes I do, but most of the time I think that I have a long ways to go."  After she and I finished talking, I started to think about my statement.  See my statement was based on where I think I am right now in my career, my statement was based on the thoughts (or perceptions) that I think others have on my career progression.  

 

Why does it matter?  I honestly have no idea.  I think that it is natural for us to get caught up in that "everybody else" complex but that doesn't help us grow as individuals.  In fact, imitating or trying to impress others only helps to perpetuate low confidence and self-esteem.

I have worked very hard to ensure that I understand expectations, build and manage strong teams, and meet objectives as set before me.  I have created bonds that others never saw and implemented processes and strategies that no one else had the ability to strength to even try.  So, you are damn right I am one step away from being a Director, I should have been a Sr. Manager at least a year ago.  But, I am not complaining about that because following my own path, there is no doubt that I earned my promotion and title and am well on my way to the next one. 

Nevertheless, I am preparing everyday for the path that has been chosen for me and I will continue to knock down barriers as I travel it.

Back to the Basics

So, this blog was originally created for me and Jamie to post our thoughts on various topics.  Seeing as though that hasn't panned out, I am going to go back to the reason I liked the idea of blogs anyway.  I use to journal all of the time and have found myself wanting to start another journal (this time digital).

Over the past year or so, many things have occurred. After talking with Jamie, he advised that I should not react to everything, sometimes I should just sit back and observe.  For those that know me, you know that this is a very hard ting for me because I am very vocal.

First thought... I truly have a great husband.  Yesterday, I got all four of my wisdom teeth pulled and was given instructions on what I needed to do after the procedure.  Jamie made sure that I took my pills on time, changed out my ice pack, flipped it from side-to-side, and checked on me very often.  I kept telling him that I was fine but he insisted that I rest. 

Because I have had another great day with the hubby, I am going to leave stop posting and go sit on the patio and enjoy the weather.  Tomorrow, I can catch you up on the not so great things that have happened.

India - Week 1 Summary

So, let's see.  The week started out with me in front of 14 people who eagerly want to learn everything quickly, so they can start working.  The eagerness and enthusiasm was very exciting and encouraging.  There were a few unpleasant things about the first day though:

·         We were in a room that had a malfunctioning air conditioner; it was ~109 degrees that day and I had on jeans and a long sleeve T-shirt (guess who wasn’t eager to get too close to anyone for the remainder of the day).

·         It also was the first time in a very long time that I spent that much time in front of people talking (now I remember why I tasked my analysts with this responsibilityJ). 

·         Internet connection SUCKED (really? People aren’t able to function without cell phones that can essentially hold a conversation with you and this 12-story, brand-new building is not properly setup with Wi-Fi.  You can get Wi-Fi at TCBY)

·         Random power outages were not limited to the area of Gurgaon that the hotel is located in (funny thing is they happen so often that whenever it happens, no one flinches)

But you know me; I can find the good in every situation:

·         Because most people in this area carry a smell naturally, I still smelled pretty good by the end of the day by comparison and hopefully I managed to shed a couple of calories with all of that sweating.

·         A good refresher is an admired skill is always a plus

·         Since I had no internet connection, I didn’t have to worry about responding to emails from crazy people or receiving random IMs from people asking “Tammy, are you really unavailable?”

·         Lights out for a little while allows for a quick break.  J

So, that was just Day 1 J  The other days will be summarized. 

The driver arrives every day at ~12:20 p.m.  Every day, we see goats and cows roaming the streets or simply sitting on the ground with no immediate plans.  While I noticed it every day, it wasn’t until Wednesday that I realized that the big dead animal on the side of the road (cover up by some sort of too small sheet) was never going to be removed from that spot.  For those that don’t believe me, I didn’t capture a pretty good picture of it.  Security is not to be taken lightly either.  Every day upon entry into the office, we go through the security tower and our bags go through the scanner; when we return to the hotel, there is a quick check in the vehicle then another walk through security checkpoint and bag scan. 

The connectivity issues lasted until Thursday when I informed the manager and project lead that I would be escalating the issue because we could not impact our training plan any longer (frustrated Tammy came through in discussion and emails to my management).  After which, they found a way to get us access and confirmed that their IT team would be installing Wi-Fi in the need areas on Saturday and testing on Sunday for us to continue with training and practice on Monday.

Oh yeah, I successfully learned all 14 of the team’s names by Thursday morning; which apparently impressed the team members (my guess is that we have been so arrogant that we don’t even take the time).
I just want everyone to remember how blessed we truly are.  We have so many luxuries that we take for granted simply because they have become commonplace to us.  There are people in this world that can’t even dream of having the things that we enjoy with little effort.

Oh yeah, I am guessing I will only be able upload photos via a LAN connection so I will try that this weekend.

This weekend, TAMMY TOURS DELHI!!!  Talk to you soon.

Sorry this one was so long, it's been a minute

India - Day 3

I think I finally felt the time difference today.  I woke up @ 7:a.m. IST just as I did yesterday; I video-chatted with Jamie @ 8:00 a.m. IST/9:30 p.m. CST.  I went down for breakfast with my co-worker @ 9 a.m. IST/10:30 p.m. CST. 

When I came back upstairs, my intent was to go over my presentation documents for the first day of training tomorrow.  I sat down to watch a little TV then thought I can take a nap for about an hour and a half then I can get up and go to The Royal Lounge to work (that way I can be out of the room when they come to service it). 

Needless to say, my plans didn't work out so well.  I slept until 6; then woke up to find out that I could not access the documents that I needed to review.  Luckily, I have a great husband and partner who went up to the office to aid with my dilemma.

Well, I am shutting down for the night to try and get some sleep before the first day in the office.  If I have to come back to India again, I am opting to make plans for the weekend.  :-)

In India

My co-worker and I made it safely to Delhi/Gurgaon India yesterday @ 3:15 pm IST/4:30 am CST.  The flight was long but not terribly uncomfortable; the place was very large with seat that could convert into sleeping space.  The food and service were very good.

The airport is large and not terribly different from the states; it is a newer airport so I expected this.  When first exiting, I heard a man call the name of our hotel but didn't think anything of it, because a driver and Sanchita and Naren (company representatives) were supposed to meet us.  The man then said, "Mrs. Morris" which took me by surprise.  Apparently, only the drivers can come into to the airport and they are not allowed to wait with their cars.  They sent two cars for me and my co-worker.

Riding in cars with the steering wheel on the right side is a little different and makes me wonder if I could get used to it.  Nevertheless, there are lanes lanes on the road (despite what people will tell you); it just depends if the drivers will stay in them :-).  On the roads, you will see anything that moves, people, bikes, rickshaws, trucks, construction equipment; if it moves, it's on the road.

Arriving at the hotel, everyone must go through security.  I was met by a hostess and one of the hotel managers.  They personally walked provided a tour of the hotel and walked me to my hotel (carrying my bags).  In my room, we completed check-in and they let me know what services were available to me.  The manager then gave me her card and offered her assistance if I should need it and suggested that we meet for drinks at some point during my stay.

The hotel is very westernized and modern.  The room is a residence suite that has a kitchen, living space, desk, WiFi and LAN connection, separate bedroom and bath with rain shower and dipping pool.  We are right next to one of the top mall in Delhi, so we are not lacking anything at this point.

I would say the greatest difference that I can see at this point between the Indian and American cultures is that Indians are very eager and willing to assist others; this is a characteristic not found very often in the US.