This One Was Tough

Curve….This one is a hard one.  Nothing came to me with this one; my husband even tried to help me.  Still, I had nothing.  So, I started to think of things with curves, me (I’m a curvy girl), my life (sometimes things veer left), roads, smiles.  In thinking of these things, it made me remember coming around roads in California and Blue Ridge and coming up on some beautiful scenery, Facetime with my friend and her two-year old’s wonderful smile, the different curves that landed me with my husband. 

What I decided is that curves add an essence of beauty to everything they touch.  Find the beauty in your curves.

Quote of the Day

“Curve…The loveliest distance between two points.”

-Mae West

Where’d All that Dust Come From?

The year before last, we had the carpet replaced in the several rooms in our house.  The guy that lead the work had a great deal of experience for the company and was a very pleasant guy to talk to.  After they pulled up the old carpet, there was a great deal of “dust” that had formed below the carpeting and padding.  The guy explained that most of that “dust” was actually residual carpet freshener that simply collected below the carpet for years on end causing the buildup of “dust” that we saw.   He further explained that using the types of fresheners actually cause your carpet to wear quicker and appear dirtier.  Why this story?

I chose this story because, for me, it solidified this thought that you should always understand different surfaces and how to keep them healthy; understand how applying different additives to them impact their overall strength, agility, appearance, and response. 

I chose this story to show how this same knowledge could have easily been my heart, my body, my brain, any of my relationships.

I chose this story because sometimes emotions are too complex.

I chose this story because sometimes we simply need a different perspective.

Quote of the Day

“…There’s always more going on just below the surface”

-Rob Bell

The Joy of Hand Puppets

Do you guys remember those turkeys we used to draw using our hands?  Ha!  Those were the best turkeys I’ve ever drawn in life.  It’s funny that that’s the first thing that came to mind with I saw the word, hands.

Guess what the second was? Shadow Hand Puppets.  Early on in our relationship, Jamie and I used to stay up late listening to music like three or four times a week.  Every time we did this, at some point during the night, we ended up making those shadow puppets with our hands.  You know the dogs, fish, horses, deer and the like.  It was the silliest thing, but we did it repeatedly, we had shadow puppets skits and even fights between the animals.  I remember we used to laugh so hard thinking we are the goofiest people playing with shadow puppets in the middle of the night.

Anyway, it was a simpler time but we always found a way to laugh.

Quote of the Day

“We can’t profess love without talking through hand puppet.”  😇

-David Sedaris

Dishing Up Love

On a softer side of everything that’s going on, Jamie and I are having a great time cooking u some of our favorite dishes.  Being at home together allows us the ability to discuss all meals and time to prepare them.  We’ve had awesome cornbread from scratch, homemade potato wedges and a blue cheese dip (still seeing how that’s going to turn out).

I typically work from home for 2-3 days out of the week normally but having my hubby home has been an awesome treat.  Don’t get me wrong, our home office is a shared office so figuring that out with us both having several calls daily was a challenge.  However, now that we are beyond that, we’ve been able to eat all meals together, get some house stuff done, have a successful date night and get into a groove from our daily dish to finally catching up on TV shows we’ve tried watching together.

Create a favorite, talk about it, just go with the flow. We call it the positive side of this pandemic!!! 

Quote of the Day

“Food brings people together on many different levels. It’s nourishment of the soul and body; it’s truly love.”

-        Giada De Laurentiis

Why we still in these streets?

Just a few weeks ago, the counts of confirmed Coronavirus (COVID-19) cases in Shelby county was less than 10.  Today, the county is close to 700.  So, I just gotta ask, why are we still traipsing around here as if this is not a big deal?  I know, I know… I too thought it’s simply a strand of the flu that we haven’t solved for (and that may still be the case).  However, when numbers are increasing as quickly as they are right now, even I have to say, “Really guys, how long are we going to do this?” 

Don’t get me wrong, I am the most social person of my marriage and understand that we all have people that we like to see and hang out with.  We’ve been asked to limit social interactions, “Shelter in place”, for two weeks and we cannot comply.  Meanwhile, I have parents at high risk, family members that have to go into a hospital to not only assist but themselves at risk, yet even I have not totally committed to “sheltering in place.”  I mean, ‘I feel fine’, ‘people just need to learn how to wash their hands’, ‘stop coughing and sneezing on others.’  Here’s what I had to realize… a cough and congestion doesn’t impact me in the same way it does my mother.  She is impacted two times worse than anything that I may be impacted by; my grandmother is five times worse.  So, if I care about my mom or my grandmother being okay during this time, I need to sit my tail down and just wait.  Allow people smarter and more focused to find a solution to this pandemic. 

They’ve asked for two weeks.  I guess my question is… If you are at home and feel that you cannot be there with whomever is there for two weeks, are you sure you’re in the right place?

Take heed and stay out these streets!

Quote of the Day

“Do or do not.  There is no try.”

-Yoda

Stories of Our Lives

Music can be so powerful.  If I think about the music I listen to that impacts me most, it is the story (the song) that moves me.  Songs are stories, stories describing something important to either the vocalist or the songwriter.  The story that they felt needed to be told.  Music, songs, beats…. They all touch us differently, the commonality.  The commonality is that they touched us in a way that draws us in, turns us away, makes us feel, makes us think, or simply release much that has been inside of us. 

How can a simple song do all of that? My immediate response… it’s an ingenious ability of the creator.  To be able to mix the right words, sounds and beats to invoke an emotion (whatever it is) is absolutely amazing.  My secondary response… whomever wrote this piece and I experienced something so similar that it triggered a powerful response in me.  While I may express my response via another medium (perhaps writing), we mare connected through this song that made me feel so deeply.

I guess the bigger question is what story is most important to me.  Have I gotten out what I need to about it?

Quote of the Day

“I wish you’d listen harder to the songs I play because the lyrics speak the words that I fail to say”

-Unknown

Why Not Try It?

Open is the choice today and the first thing that popped in my mind was, ‘what’s the harm in trying it out.’  Many times, we close ourselves off to new things, ideas, and opportunities simply because it is unfamiliar to us and those we know.  

Don’t get me wrong stepping outside of the norm isn’t always an easy thing; it can be scary, unnerving, and uncertain.  On the flip-side, it can be rewarding, eye-opening and something that changes your path forever.

Opportunities to be open to something different present themselves every day, from trying out a cheese you’ve never had to deciding to wade through waters in caves.  Don’t miss the chance to find something new you enjoy.

Quote of the Day

“When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life”

-Eckhart Tolle

Happy New Year! (Yep, better late than never!)

I’ve been writing this post since the turn of the New Year.  2019 was a fabulous year and I was torn on how best to share.  Since it is the last day of January, I figured if I was going to share, I’d better do it now.

As we mature, we learn that there are several reasons that people do and say many things and we must understand their intent and motive.  As such, Jamie and I often don’t share things because we just don’t like people to ‘piss on our parade’.  However, we have several things to be thankful for, to get excited about, and to just talk about with those that matter to us.  And this year, I am sharing regardless of the reaction of others.  I guess the point is we can’t keep letting negativity win out.  In most situations, you must exude the behavior you want to see; this is true inmost aspects of life, relationships, work, spirituality. 

We expect a lot out of 2020 so get ready!  I’m sure I missed something, but these are the things that occurred in 2019 that we are extremely thankful for and hold dear.

• Jamie got promoted
• With total and full support from his leadership team – Woohoo!
• All student loans paid
• Think several years of schooling and most paid for via loans (for 2 people)
• Traveled to Hawaii twice in one year
• Started to rebuild some broken relationships
• Didn’t go as planned but I accomplished a goal and have experienced some promising results
• Got the remaining windows in the house replaced
• Ahhhh, heating and cooling systems are much more efficient now 😊
• The LA Rams made it to the freakin’ Super Bowl
• What?  I’ve been watching this team for at least 17 years
• Finally created and sent Christmas cards
• I’ve been doing this since our first year of marriage (yes, we been married 16 years)
• Started to exercise routinely
• Although I kick and scream each time, I’m doing it
• Read more than 25 books
• Yes, of course, many of them a quick romance reads!  Mind ya’ business!  😊
• Joined a women’s network
• And I am actually participating  
• Our second oldest niece spent the summer in Spain
• Started using a paper (hard copy) planner
• Strangely enough, this was a goal. Though, I still use both, this has been a great help
• One of my good friends got married
• She and I have been through a loot over the years with men and in our relationship.  I am so crazily happy for her
• Our good friends (family really) finalized the adoption of the most beautiful little girl in the world
• They were truly the only parents she's known
• Found a new community organization to support

Quote of the Day

"Please don't kill my reasons of happiness if you can't be one"

-Akash Thakur

Feedback: Supportive or Spiteful?

Wow!  In my attempt to let go of some entirely separate things this week, I stumbled upon a conversation about feedback (or honesty).  It’s an interesting situation to request feedback on one thing and receive an onslaught of unsolicited feedback about something totally separate.

It’s interesting to be provided feedback of not being self-aware and unable to receive feedback, when no evidence is presented to support the accusation.  The most disappointing part of the ‘feedback’ is that it came from someone to whom I’ve shared insecurities, negative feedback, and unsolicited commentary.  To receive unsupported feedback like that from someone you trust feels spiteful and intent on purposely hurting me.  So, for me, it feels like commentary meant to either put me in my place or destroy my confidence.  Let me take a step the feedback came with a promise to point it out when it happens in the future.  I realize that I am not all-knowing, but I thought the purpose of feedback was to identify a concern about a behavior or completion of specific tasks with the goal of future improvement.    

How do you come back from that?

I serve as an ear to many people both professionally and personally and I love it.  I enjoy being the person that people feel comfortable enough to just let go of things that they are carrying on their heart.  Being an ear and a confidant, I understand that honesty is hard to swallow especially if given in the wrong way.  Knowing this, I try to be mindful of who I am and how I respond to anyone requesting feedback.  I like literally had three such conversations this week.  In each one, the feedback was requested, I considered the person receiving the feedback, stated that the feedback was my perspective then gave the best possible response in a respectful manner.  Point is, I try to be mindful of my commentary with EVERYONE with whom I converse. 

I needed to write tonight so I could release and while I feel like I have let go of some older things.  There are new things to address.  NO need for cursing or even holding on to this one; it’s feedback to do with whatever I choose.  I just hope that as we provide such feedback, we not only formulate supporting examples, but we self-reflect on the feedback as well.  Thanks, back into my headspace I go!

Quote of the Day

“Everyone is a genius.  But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree.  It will live its whole life believing it is stupid.”

-Albert Einstein

Questions on a Peaceful Day

I just really enjoy being on the water; I always have.  It’s a peaceful place that encourages clear thinking, which I need so very often.  So, as I sit hear contemplating, these are some questions that I have that I am hoping you can help me with.

Thought:  As girls grow up, they are often confronted with several situations/comments that insinuate that what they are is not good or pretty enough. 

Examples

You would be really pretty if …You don’t have that type of …It would look better if you’d wear this …All girls should…Boys really like it when…

Yet, as girls become young ladies then women, we don’t understand why there are extreme levels self-esteem issues.  We don’t know why people can’t be confident in who they are.  Does this make sense to you?  If so, please explain

Thought:  As a black person, I often hear things like ‘you should be proud to be black’ or ‘we are not like everyone else’; yet, we don’t consider ourselves worthy or to have ‘made it’ until we can do or seemingly be like people of other cultures.  Rather than celebrating the uniqueness of who we are and how we came to be, we spend our lives trying to gain acceptance and approval from EVERYBODY else.  How will we ever gain acceptance or approval when we don’t give to ourselves?  You must have it within yourself before you can truly give or receive it, right?

Thought:  It is a common thing these days for men and women to complain about what the other sex is not doing and/or comparing them to false images created in their minds.  While I am definitely NOT a relationship expert or have any of the answers, I do know what makes me feel good in any relationship.  From my perspective, nobody wants to be degraded, dismissed or devalued because the other person lacks caring or understanding.  We often fail to provide others with the same consideration that we seek. 

Be careful who, what, when, where, why, and how you say things.  If you don’t truly understand the next person’s situation, chances are they don’t understand yours.  Try to articulate your thoughts in a mutually respectful manner.  Is mutual respect or interest in other’s feelings truly a hard thing to give?

Thought:  My husband and I have a few stores that we like to go to.  I noticed a long time ago that when each of us drive, we take a different route.  When I initially noticed, I was like, why do you go this way?  His response was simply that he liked the route.  As I considered who we each are, I was reminded that my husband is an introspective and reserved individualist.  While he is not anti-social, he does prefer to be alone or with me.  He would take a route that has fewer people.  To my point...why do we always focus on the approach?  If we both get to the same place, how important is the approach or route?  

I know, I know, I am done with my questions.  I will go back to this quiet time and enjoy the peacefulness of the water. 

Quote of the Day

If I had it to do again, I’d ask more questions and interrupt fewer answers.”

-Robert Brault

Taking time to stop and recognize!

A long while ago, I recommended that everyone should take stock (inventory) of the things that they have and the things that are important.  Well, I should have also mentioned the things that you are thankful for and I don’t just mean the big things.  I mean those things that we take for granted or that may frustrate you on some days.

Case in point... 

• I am thankful that no matter what time I have to be at the airport, my husband always wants to get me there and always has a surprise or dinner for me when I get home.
• I am thankful that my mom ensures that she sends me a good morning text or a did you make it text.
• I am thankful that my best friend always tries to make sense of my tendency to over-complicate some things (because she knows how particular I am about some things.
• I am thankful that my sister-in-law makes it a point to try and connect with me routinely.
• I am thankful that people actually read my posts, even with the lack of writing for a while.
• I am thankful that my friend Jennifer ALWAYS makes time for me when she is in town (she has a VERY active social life).
• I am thankful that my bestie Lonni is a newlywed and much much happier (and lives 5 minutes from me!)

I want you to take inventory and never forget because some people don’t get these things in their life. This fact saddens me because these things make me stronger and happier every day.  I am always telling people, 'this life is hard; think if you didn't have what you have'; where would you be?  I don't really know where I would be but I don't think it would be a good place.

Not that I am not just as thankful for the big things; it’s just that the little things occur every day, every week and they help to give us purpose and importance because someone else has made it a point to let you know that they care and you are important.

Quote of the day

“It is not joy that makes us grateful, it is gratitude that makes us joyful” 
- Unknown