Should we really be calling someone else a racist?

Over the past few months, I have spent countless hours listening to others talk about how much they hate another race or how stupid another race is.  I don’t know about anyone else but, for me, listening to these conversations is extremely draining.  I know I may be crossing some imaginary boundaries but I need you to understand why these conversations are tiring for me.

• It takes a great deal of energy to hate someone as fiercely as the people do in the conversations that I have heard.  Seriously, try going through your day mad and frustrated ALL day.  I guarantee you, you will be tired and drained and just want to fall out.

• Every person that I have seen in these instances is depending on something from another race (even the one they despise) in some way shape or form.  My point?  I can hate going to the doctor’s office all day long but at the end of the day, if something is wrong with my system, I have to go to the doctor’s office.  Do I go into the doctor’s office cursing, complaining and disrespecting him when I need something from him?

• There seems to be a huge disconnect on what a racist is.  Based on the definition that I know and understand, racism is “prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior.”  (See the Google definition for more detail.)  So, to me, that doesn’t mean that only the race with the majority of people can be defined as a racist or that because a certain people has been heavily oppressed their responses/actions cannot be defined as racists.  The definition, to me, clearly states that ANYONE engaged in prejudices against a DIFFERENT race can be classified as a racist.  There are some that will come back and say, well no, this race is inferior so they can’t be racists.  I call bullhockey.  First, who designates inferiority?  Second, the definition says that it is based on the belief that one’s OWN race is superior. 

Now, don’t get it twisted, I am very proud of who I am and what I represent.  I just wonder where we would be if we took all the energy put into hating and blaming someone else and put it into something that benefits either our personal growth or the growth of our own community.

My worth, my confidence, and my desire are all controlled my me.  I work hard every day to better the person that I am for myself and for my family.  My only ask of the few readers I have is to consider what’s important to you and let that be your driving force… everything else is a waste of time and energy.

I was lost...

Wow!!! I hadn’t posted since November.  Nevertheless, all it takes is a pretty good discussion to get my writing underway. 

So, the other day Jamie and I were sitting at the table and heard a strange noise.  Jamie went to look and found nothing.  We assumed it must have been something outside.  Later that evening, I went into the closet to change my clothes and found that the door wouldn’t open all the way.  Peeping my head through the opening, I realized that one of my shelves (holding several clothing item and shoes had collapsed…. Yes, this indeed was the noise we heard earlier.  After calling Jamie in to see what happened, he said, “Our house seems to be falling apart”.  I said, “Maybe it was time for a change, we’ve talked about changing the space for a while”.  After retrieving everything from the floor, assessing the remains, and prioritizing my needs, the closet is again usable. 

Today my brother told me that I didn’t have to wait on others to take action that I deemed necessary or important to me and he was right.  While I felt unable to clearly articulate myself, this stuck with me because it highlighted recent personal reflection.  Part of the discussion was around being about it rather than talking about it and there was not a consensus on the matter.  Now, just to clarify, repetition with no action is a frustration inherent to me.  It is not now, nor will it ever be, my place to instruct others on what should be important to them or what they should be doing.  I control my thoughts, behaviors and actions only and I decide when, what, how, where, why and with whom I engage.  This is my focus moving forward.

If you don’t see how this relates to my story, let me explain.  Jamie and I have lived in this house for several years, changing the closet was one of the first things that we noted that we wanted to change.  Yet, all we did was talk about it.  Now with no other option, we had to deal with the closet.  The result, a space that is open, clear and more manageable.  Hmmm, had we only did something when we first discussed it?  Time and effort are very precious items, wasting either can be detrimental.

Just want to say thank you - to my sisters!

If you have been following this blog for a while, you know that I have a few sisters. Three, to be exact, and I have yet to write a post dedicated to them.  I have actually attempted many times but could never write the message how I saw it (I know it makes no sense).  My writing is an expression of me and so are my sisters, so I want it to be right.

Nevertheless, I thought what better time than to post about my sisters than on Thanksgiving Day.  A time when people should be celebrating life, love and treasured moments with those that they love.  Well, I don’t get to spend every Thanksgiving with my sisters.  I love them like no other and I don't tell them enough.  So, for them, I write:

There are many similar characteristics evident in each of my sisters.  Below are a few:

·      General - strong, smart, beautiful, feisty, curious, caring, determined

·      Happy – funny, thoughtful, loving

·      Hurt – sarcastic, sensitive, unapproachable, withdrawn

·      Angry - bullheaded, relentlessness, determined to be right

Felicia is the oldest and the shortest (she really hates that).  Felicia has the ability to adjust to the situation as needed; she is constantly in situations with various personalities and she takes them with ease.  She likes to be the center of attention and people are drawn to her.  Her poise is one of the things I admire most about her.  The only time you will see her get ruffled is when it is concerning someone close (or when her brain is being attacked by outer forces – love you sis!)

Tanis (Niecy) is a couple of years younger than me (she is a middle child as well).  Niecy has the strength of an ox, physically and emotionally.  I admire her ability to just keep pushing through regardless of obstacles.  When I am in situations where I am told to picture something strong, she is no doubt what I see every time.  The only challenge with her kind of strength is that it is always tested… ALWAYS.  She will always rise above it, you (and no one else) will ever stop her from achieving greatness.  You will also never stop her from getting the last word in (couldn’t resist).

Veronica (Ronnie) is my baby sister (spoiled rotten).  Ronnie is tenacious.  If she wants something, she will get it.  She may not go about it conventionally but it will be hers.  She will try her hardest not to be rude or intrusive, but you will not deter her.  Don’t mistake her smile, silliness, or fun-loving spirit for naivety, you will be sorely disappointed in the results of that misjudgment.

The differences are fewer (they would never admit to it) but the major differences are the varying levels in which each are represented in the given sister.  Though I don’t tell them as often as I should, each of my sisters have been an inspiration to me.  We don’t go out in the world and pretend to be best friends or like we talk every day but there is a respect, closeness, and love that cannot be replaced by anyone or anything else on this earth.  When we are together, you are likely to experience varying levels of our relationships and characteristics.  The experience is remarkable; it takes you from maddening to warm with love within minutes.  Not quite sure how my mom managed it with everything that she was faced with but she created a family like no other (no biases at all)! 

I have to finish cooking now. 

Cherish the time you have with those you love, time isn’t guaranteed. Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving!  

Just want to say thank you - to my sisters!

If you have been following this blog for a while, you know that I have a few sisters. Three, to be exact, and I have yet to write a post dedicated to them.  I have actually attempted many times but could never write the message how I saw it (I know it makes no sense).  My writing is an expression of me and so are my sisters, so I want it to be right.

Nevertheless, I thought what better time than to post about my sisters than on Thanksgiving Day.  A time when people should be celebrating life, love and treasured moments with those that they love.  Well, I don’t get to spend every Thanksgiving with my sisters.  I love them like no other and I don't tell them enough.  So, for them, I write:

There are many similar characteristics evident in each of my sisters.  Below are a few:

·      General - strong, smart, beautiful, feisty, curious, caring, determined

·      Happy – funny, thoughtful, loving

·      Hurt – sarcastic, sensitive, unapproachable, withdrawn

·      Angry - bullheaded, relentlessness, determined to be right

Felicia is the oldest and the shortest (she really hates that).  Felicia has the ability to adjust to the situation as needed; she is constantly in situations with various personalities and she takes them with ease.  She likes to be the center of attention and people are drawn to her.  Her poise is one of the things I admire most about her.  The only time you will see her get ruffled is when it is concerning someone close (or when her brain is being attacked by outer forces – love you sis!)

Tanis (Niecy) is a couple of years younger than me (she is a middle child as well).  Niecy has the strength of an ox, physically and emotionally.  I admire her ability to just keep pushing through regardless of obstacles.  When I am in situations where I am told to picture something strong, she is no doubt what I see every time.  The only challenge with her kind of strength is that it is always tested… ALWAYS.  She will always rise above it, you (and no one else) will ever stop her from achieving greatness.  You will also never stop her from getting the last word in (couldn’t resist).

Veronica (Ronnie) is my baby sister (spoiled rotten).  Ronnie is tenacious.  If she wants something, she will get it.  She may not go about it conventionally but it will be hers.  She will try her hardest not to be rude or intrusive, but you will not deter her.  Don’t mistake her smile, silliness, or fun-loving spirit for naivety, you will be sorely disappointed in the results of that misjudgment.

The differences are fewer (they would never admit to it) but the major differences are the varying levels in which each are represented in the given sister.  Though I don’t tell them as often as I should, each of my sisters have been an inspiration to me.  We don’t go out in the world and pretend to be best friends or like we talk every day but there is a respect, closeness, and love that cannot be replaced by anyone or anything else on this earth.  When we are together, you are likely to experience varying levels of our relationships and characteristics.  The experience is remarkable; it takes you from maddening to warm with love within minutes.  Not quite sure how my mom managed it with everything that she was faced with but she created a family like no other (no biases at all)! 

I have to finish cooking now. 

Cherish the time you have with those you love, time isn’t guaranteed. Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving!  

Taking Stock

At various points in our lives, we should take inventory of all things important and how satisfied we are with each aspect.  Why is this important?  In general, it is always good to know what you stand for and are willing to put in the work for.  For me, it helps to gain clarity, focus, and balance. 

I recently learned how to use the life wheel.  I literally spent time deciphering the eight most important things to me.  Now, if you are like me, this can be a very difficult task because you have to weed out the things that you feel should be important or things that others think should be important to you.  Let me take you through my experience:  

Looking at the page, I had several terms that looked like they should matter to me.  Why? Because I was 39. married, a leader within my company.  So, things like, savings, investments, networks, faith, these SHOULD all definitely be on my list; shouldn't they?  

I make a decent living and have some money saved.  I work very hard but is saving money for what might happen truly the only thing I work for?  

I understand the purpose of networks and how they can be useful.  However, I am a fixer, a helper.  Is spending my time looking for use in others something desirable for me?

If you look at my wheel, you don't see faith or religion.  Not because I don't have faith or because I don't believe in God.  Is that wrong?  Am I a bad person?

These are some of the things that I had to really consider as I wrote out my list.  What I discovered were that those things did not truly reflect me or my desires.  I wanted the process to wholly focus on me and my betterment.  So I landed on these eight, marriage, security, personal growth, travel,relationships, family, career, and health.  I then had to rank my level of satisfaction in each label from 0 to 10.  

When I looked at my wheel (see picture), I saw the imbalance.  Yes, I knew that my balance (sense of peace) was off, I didn't need the exercise for that.  What the exercise helped me to see was why it was off.  I wonder if you can tell by reading this post and looking at my picture.
If you think you know why it was off, let me know.  

I encourage everyone to take stock.  I know taking inventory is a long drawn out process.  In the end, it is good to know how much supply you have, where it is, and what its worth. 

Cordova All Stars...

A few years back Jamie and I joined a bowling league with some family members (3 other couples).  from August to April, every week we met on Sundays to compete against others.  The point of us joining was to do something and have fun.  When we started, the majority of us sucked but every week, we were there... and most weeks, we had a great time.  We formed bonds and relationships that are still going strong today.  

After a short while, we all began to focus on supporting each other and getting better.  Let me say that again... our focus (as a group) supporting each other and getting better.  We met at least one other time throughout the week to just hang out and bowl; we even got others to join in on the non-league bowling (now, how cool is that?).  The employees knew us and typically tried to make sure that we had what needed while we were there.  We became pretty consistent and close.  Bowling was were everyone got to be themselves and have a good time (strong bowler or not).  

Why talk about it today?  Well, for one, Jamie and I went bowling on Friday.  While we had a good time, we both agreed that it isn't the same without the 'crew'.  We often miss the Wednesday night bowling over beer after a crazy day at work.  Regardless of what some people think, bowling is exercise.  Healthy competition is a great thing; everyone's averages increased and you could never be sure of who the winner would be.  The support and desire to become better was evident every time we bowled... so very many (yes 'very many') high fives.  It even got me and Jamie going out more (and not just to leave the city!).

While I am not sure that I would bowl in another league that long, I did like the activity, relationship, and fun times that bowling instigated.  Don't get me wrong, there are other activities that could drive similar results, which we would enjoy.  The point is, for us, we don't get to enjoy that type of comradery anymore and we miss it often. 

Celebrating 40 and 20

I met my best friend 20 years ago at a grocery store.  I had no idea on that day that she would be my closest friend for life.  Funny how you don't really no what you need until it is placed in front of you.  She was a crazy grandma and I was a silly nerd (or at least that is what everyone thought).  We saw each other through some pretty interesting times...her first car and job; the ride to Memphis to get my car; her "asthma"; my experiments; my "apartment fiasco: countless birthday celebrations (all I can say is we both ENJOYED ourselves immensely); her and her basketball player; me and my long-distance-but-only-when-are -in-the-same-town beau; graduations; our first houses.  All of this to say, we grew up together.  To me, the college years are when you really start to know yourself and what you want (or at least to start focusing on those things).  She and I did that "finding out" stage together.  Now, that we are "grown-ups" and live in different cities, we don't get to hang out as much.

Last weekend, we got a chance to spend her 40th birthday together.  We drove up to Hot Springs, AR had some scrubs, wraps, massages, and exfoliation; took a duck tour; visited a Wax museum; and hung out at a bar.  While we didn't do much, we had (I had - don't want to put words in her mouth) a really great time.  Times like ours last weekend make me realize how much I do miss my friend.  She is a woman with a great spirit and an awesome heart.  She spends a great deal of her life taking care of other.  That weekend though, she had a chance to not worry about anything and that made me happy.  I truly cherish all the time that I get with my friend and am honored that I get to call her my Bestest.  Love you Kenya Latrice!

P.S.  This is the best picture describing us.  Ha!!!

Confessions of a Mainlander

For those that know me, you know that I truly love travelling…ANYWHERE.  Jamie and I have travelled to some pretty awesome places; even places that others don’t see as awesome.  This year took us to another island in Hawai’i and I need to confess a few things from a mainlander’s perspective.

Getting to Hawai’i can be a bear.  Think about it Hawai’i is a pretty isolated group of islands.  And oh yeah, they are islands.  If you live anywhere (except along the west coast), travelling to Hawai’i can become cumbersome.

My suggestion… If you want to go to Hawai’i, just be prepared.  If you like to read, take a book (one that will keep your interest).  Music your thing, make sure you have at least 6 hours of it.  Do you color?  It may help.  Benadryl put you to sleep, have at it.  Just think through your flight(s).  While we had everything that could keep us amused in our possession, there was no denying that eight hours on a plane, in the main cabin, is a very long time.

Hawai’i is truly beautiful.  The islands that we have visited boast lush greeneries, beautiful flowers, and the bluest waters.  To me, it’s one of those places that I wish everyone could experience.  Natural beauty at its finest.

Laidback is the way to go.  I had dreams of travelling the road to Hana, taking a sunset cruise, seeing the sunrise at Haleakala, and spending some time reading on the beach.  In the end, we spent most of the time sitting on the patios (sorry Jamie, lanais) reading, talking, lounging… Relaxing as we looked out over the island.  I didn’t feel any knots in my shoulders or back all week. 

I feel like the locals may be a little resistant to so much tourism in their town. Hawai’i is a huge tourist sanctuary, meaning its existence hinges vitally on tourism.  People come from all over the world to visit and experience its beauty.  Yet, one of the common themes this time was … the people didn’t want tourist coming through their town or changing the culture.  With a culture that so greatly depends on tourism, it just seems like on a whole people would be more accepting by now.  But hey, that’s just me.  People might say that I am too nice to the source of my funding.

I really don’t believe that non-human creatures and I can coexist in one place.  I have been to a few places now where other creatures frequent inside dwelling spots.  While I don’t consider myself prissy, girlie, or well-to-do, I can assure you that I am not the type of person that can live comfortably with creatures like funny –looking centipede-type bugs, lizards, spiders, ants, monkeys, etc.  I just can’t.  Stop telling me that this how people live in the country or you have to get used to it or they won’t bother you if you don’t bother them. Please just remove them from anywhere that I have to stay.  Please and thank you!

Hawai’i is a group of islands.  As people asked where I was going for vacation, I found myself saying Maui and some people would say, ‘Oh Hawai’i’ as if my statement was incorrect.  So note, Hawai’i consists of eight main islands (I believe).  I am typically hesitant to say Hawai’i because I don’t feel like I am going to or have visited all of Hawai’i.  I guess it is similar to when I talk about visiting California; I typically talk about the cities that I have visited not the state as a whole (because I haven’t visited the entire state).  It’s a funny thing really because Hawai’i isn’t a normal state; it doesn’t fall within the Americas and as mentioned is simply a group of islands.  It is literally easier (and cheaper) for me to get to Mexico or the Caribbean islands than the Hawaiian Islands.

Anyway, these confessions are wholly my own and do not reflect the opinions of the Morris family or the many Hawai’i visitors. 

Time to Focus Up

I was going to write an awesome post about negativity and its impacts... but I had to change direction.  Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy this one.

In earlier posts, I have mentioned one of the reasons that I write; to have an outlet.  Writing is my escape from everything around me.  It helps me to release, regroup and focus.  Release the things I unable to control or change; regroup (arrange thoughts in the correct order); focus (well, this one gets its own section - it's the main theme today).  

FOCUS
While writing helps me get things out constructively, it also serves as a way to hold myself accountable. What does that mean?  Putting your thoughts, irritations, fears, dreams in black and white for the world to see means putting myself out there to be judged/ridiculed whatever people want to do with the information.  I know I have only a few readers (but you are my world) and you have the right to draw from my writings whatever you choose.  But, for me, doing so makes me accountable to the things that I put in black and white; it helps me focus on the person that I am working hard to be every day.

There is always talk of helpings others, being a blessing in someone's life, impacting community, which are all great things that I support.  My belief, you have to do that for yourself before you can ever be that to anyone else.  Action requires desire, commitment, and determination.  So when I give you my truth, it is so I can be true.

Jamie and I have conversations quite often about lip service and he always says don't talk about it just do it.  He is right.  There are several things that I need to stop talking about and start doing.  The very first thing on my list... removing negative responses and/or actions.

Well, I guess we will talk a little about negativity anyway.  See, I don't think that it is possible to totally cease negative thoughts.  I think that is just human nature; there is always a chance that something or someone will not respond as you expected, disagree with a thought you had, or simply be rude.  There are tons of things that trigger non-positive thoughts in each of us.  What I can change is how I react/respond.  Choosing to be positive is an action; choosing to be a better me is an action.  Let's see what happens...

Big Family Small Family (Sisters or No Sisters)

I have been working on this post for some time now not because I didn't know what my answer would be but because I couldn't focus on posting.  During the time that I have been trying to write this post, occurrences related to family have "riled me up" so to speak.  So now as a part of my release, I am writing the post that should have been posted at least a week ago.

Background on me and my response to annoyance.  (Yes, bullet points)

1. Review and assess => Was there something that I did or said to cause those words or actions?
2. Talk it out => go through the situation with someone else (typically Jamie or Kenya)
3. Determine resolution => Ignore/Respond
4. Resolve => Take the action from number 3
5. Release => Let go 

Now, don't get it twisted, this has not always been my response.  I used to play right into the annoyance and emotions.  Through growth and a lot of life, I am now able to tap into what is my core and respond accordingly.

So the question that I have been trying to respond to is this, "If you had been able to choose, would you rather have been an only child or part of a large family?"  I know you are wondering, how does the previous tie into this question.  Well, let me see if I can construct a bridge.

I think when you are younger, you always want what appears to be better than what you have.  Living in a house with several people, at some point, your thoughts are 'I wish I had been an only child'.  I can honestly say I didn't have that thought TOO much (until I got a boyfriend :-) )  The reality is that I wasn't an only child and I can't change what my situation was.  As I look at my life, I know that some of the greatest things that I have learned about family, sisters, being a woman, being a friend, is due to having a larger family.  

There was a period of time, maybe when I was between age 20 and 27, my sisters were the closest friends I had and we hung out at least once every week.  I do miss those times greatly and think of them often; but life had to move on.  Years later, I have grown nieces and nephews, added sisters, brothers, cousins and a BOATLOAD of capture moments.  It's partly because of the family that I have that I can now respond to varying things as mentioned above.  I have learned what's important to me and I intend to keep that at the forefront of my life at all times.

Regardless of the disagreements, the distance, the lack of quality time, differing personalities, I love my family without a doubt.  The answer to the question: I would choose a large family.  While the answers may not be the same from others on either side of my family, I would still choose my family.

I sure hope you didn't think my answer would be different.  :-)

Ahhhh, technology

I read something a long while ago that said something to the effect that while technology has advanced society greatly it has had an interesting impact on personal relationships.  At the time, I knew that our communication with one another had changed and that there was less intimate communication but I hadn't fully grasped it meaning... until yesterday.  

Yesterday, Jamie and I decided it was time for us to see the Parthenon (in Centennial Park) up close.  It took us a while to find a park but we did.  We got out and started to walk.  During our walk, I mentioned that people could hardly walk for playing (fiddling) with their phones.  On our way back, Jamie said, "Let's count how many people we see on their phones".  Total number 31 of 35 of the people we saw on the way back to the car were on their phones rather than enjoying the people they were with and the somewhat peaceful location.  The four that weren't on phone, you ask?  Two less than 4 years old, then a grandmother and her granddaughter (our deduction not a fact).

Why is this relevant to me today?  Because... I wonder what we miss when we focus all of our attention to the technology that give us so much access.  I feel like we become so consumed with things far out of our control and so distant from our everyday live that we miss the things going on people right in front of us.  I don't presume to know what is happening in everyone's lives at all times.  However, consider this, when is the last time you at down and had a live/face-to-face conversation with someone you loved?

I am all for technology and access information, don't ever doubt that.  I too enjoy my devices and fingertip access to many topics and things.  But I also enjoy the intimate times that I have with those I love.  This time is spent talking, laughing, enjoying companionship, building bonds; it is time to relax and let go of the everyday stresses.  My wish is that everyone gets time to experience it and cherish it.