If my family was...

Growing up we got to see all of these great families on TV and I used to think, “what if that were my family?”  I literally did this with every TV family show that I watched, from the Brady Bunch, to Family Ties, to the Cosby Show.  But, as I try to imagine which family I most identified with, I would have to say the Facts of Life.  They were not the family usually depicted as a normal American family, but they were indeed family.  Five women trying to understand life and survive under one roof with two bathrooms –  definitely my life growing up.  But the assignment is to talk about the family you would want to be a part of if you could and why.  My chosen family is the Ingalls.  That’s right folks, the Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie.  I loved that show growing up and even read the books.  Laura Ingalls Wilder is who I wanted my life patterned after or at least what I deduced her life to be from the show and books.

Let me just say, for clarity, I DO NOT hate how, where, or with whom I grew up.  I love my family without a doubt.  I am thankful for the life lessons and the person that I am today; I don’t know that I would be the same person without them.  Whether people will admit it or not, everyone dreams of a life they have never known or had, it’s human nature. 

Now, back to the Ingalls.  Everybody knows that I grew up in a single-parent home.  Naturally, families that have a father, engaged in the family, is an experience that I coveted growing up.  Not because my mom didn’t do a great job, but because I wanted to know what that type of love and protection felt like. 

The Ingalls were a very close family in that everything they had, they worked as a family to get.  Everyone had their assigned task/responsibility in the functioning and success of their lives.  Each of them respected their positions and basically just got it done.  Now, we had chores and had to look after each other when at school or someone else’s house, but I don’t think we have/had a true appreciation for what my mom sacrificed or even how bad it had truly gotten at times.  There seemed to be a better understanding of the Ingalls’ household, which many times played out in the kids decisions.

For those of you that didn’t watch little house on the prairie, the family lived in the middle of some farmland in what was basically a barn.  Six people, one room, figuring out life, family, and love.  Seems strange that this is something that would appeal to me given that today we live in a house where Jamie and I could basically not see each other for days if we so chose.  Not a mansion by any means but definitely more space than is needed for us to live a full life.  To me, there is a certain bond, respect and understanding that comes from sharing a small space with someone else and still have a great affection for that person.  Again, this is my story.

Another reason, this family appealed to me was because of the experience the kids had that are somewhat taken for granted now and when I was growing up; making/creating everyday things, clothes, notebooks for school.  That’s knowledge that is somewhat lost today.  I get it, you can just go to the store and buy what you need today, right?  What if you couldn’t?  Do you know how appreciative of things people are when they make them themselves?

Yes, that’s the family I would be a part of.  They were loyal to a fault, seemed to genuinely enjoyed each other’s company, always thankful and supportive, and proud of themselves and one another.

Not This Again (Reoccurring Themes in My Life)

Saturday was my mom’s birthday!  I spent the bulk of the weekend with mom, my sister, and my nephew.  As we all know hanging with family brings a series of events; some familiar and hopefully some new.   As I thought about the day, it made me think about this week’s topic, Reoccurring Life Themes.

So, what do I mean when I say ‘Reoccurring Life Themes’?  As far back as I can remember, there are a few things that are constantly associated, said, or happen to me; be it a thought or an event.  The ones I tend to remember are the ones that impacted me the most as I developed.

Running into things in my own house.  I am not talking about an ancillary shoe or bag.  I am talking about the same walls or bed that have been in this house for as long as we have lived here (11 years).  I just can’t seem to get around it.  I get when I am unfocused but I will admit that there are times when I consciously try to miss the wall in one spot and end up running into it somewhere else or run into the couch.  I really don’t know what to do here.  HELP!!!

Situations where someone (usually close to me) has to talk about how sensitive I am… This one is very true.  I am sensitive, paranoid, and nervous.  While these characteristics are inherent to me, I have just learned to manage my response mainly by deciding what’s most important to me.  If it is not at the top, I work to let it go, quickly. 

Pointing out to me (while with others) that I don’t have kids… No shit Sherlock!  I am pretty sure that’s something I should know.  However, I have learned that this is a way for some (mainly women) to put me in my place, make me feel less than or disregard anything that I have said.  This used to bother me greatly and people knew it, that’s why they used it.  Quite honestly, I did feel less than.  Over the years, I have changed my response.

“You would know that…” It’s amazing to me that people, in general, use knowledge in a derogatory manner.  When family members and/or friends do it, it seems very contradictory to the ‘perception’ of a family.  My response to it today, “Yes, I know things, several things.  Thanks for noticing!”

“You always talking to…” Yes, I like people; I genuinely like people (until they give me a reason not to).  It is ok for me to speak to people as I encounter them and simply ask them about their day.  It doesn’t make me an alien species.  Try smiling and speaking to someone you would normally ignore; do it for them not you.  This one is just something I accept and don’t plan on changing anytime soon.

The assumption that I am naive… I think this comes about because I am nice.  Like I said before, I like people.  The motivation in my life is being able to fix things and help people.  Unfortunately, this means that there are many people that want to take advantage.  To deal with this, I typically use the 'you can get me once method'.

 

The point of listing these things is to note that repetitive experiences are bound to happen; sometimes with the same people.  I have learned that much of it comes from our response or reaction to it.  For the things that matter, I learned to change or confront and ignored the rest.  What I have found is that the reoccurrence decreased or went away.  Many times those that haven’t gone away are the ones that I have learned to let roll off my shoulders.

My Bucket List (or maybe not)!

My friend and I are working together to make time for the things we enjoy.  As a part of that, over the next few blogs, I will discuss topics agreed upon by the two of us.  I like this idea for two main reasons 1) I am writing continuously and that is a great release for me and 2) she and I will connect more on a regular basis. 

This week’s topic is the things that I never want to do/experience before I die.

•  I have no desire to run a marathon.  Let me be honest, even when I was smaller (in size) I didn’t like running.  Regardless of everything that others say about running, it simply is not my thing.

• I never want to bungee, base, or parachute jump.  If it requires me to jump out of something towards the ground, count Tee Tee OUT!!! Love ya, but NO!  At least not for amusement purposes.  For life saving, no other way out circumstances, maybe.

• I don’t want to ever be confined to my home state.  For me, traveling is reconnecting with my husband and life partner.  Travel is experiencing something new and different with one person who knows me like no other.

• I hope to never disappoint those that matter.  I know I will never do everything that someone else wants or expects from me, but I never want to do something that those that matter can’t respect.

• I never again want to feel loneliness.

• I never want to know what it feels like to be betrayed/disregarded by someone close to me.  My trust and loyalty are sacred, don’t misuse them for your own delight.

I know it’s a short list but these are some of the things I don’t want to experience. 

In my mind (don’t know what others may see), I don’t ask for much.  I guess my point is this...

Life is short, don’t spend it chasing someone else’s dream.  Find out what it is that bring you peace, happiness, calmness, and DON’T LOSE IT.

What a day...

I totally had a different approach in mind for today but nothing went as planned.  Today was not the best day for me.  I spent half the day frustrated by other people’s actions then the remainder of the day in a disagreement with my hubby (not arguing but clearly on different sides) about something that’s been in progress for some years.  While we came to a resolution, it took some time and cajoling on both sides.

My hubby won’t believe it but he reminded me of something that I said long ago; it is very hard for people to see beyond their current situation.  When I originally said it, I didn’t realize how true that was in EVERY aspect of our lives.

Before I go much further, I need to be clear that my posts are meant to be a reflection of me, my thoughts, desires, personal development and hopefully growth.  If others gain something from it, AWESOME!  Just know that I am in no way trying to tell others what they should or should not be doing.

Now back to where I left off; seeing beyond the current situation.  On two occasions today, I was so caught up in my own frustrations that I lost control of my words and emotions.  I try to avoid these situations for two main reasons 1) because emotions can easily be misdirected and 2) because if your words aren’t chosen wisely, they can be misconstrued.  It may not sound like much but poor decisions that could be very harmful.  Today, I lost time and energy on non-productive things.  I will never get that time back.

On a brighter note, I had conversations with my mom and best friend that reminded me that I am not totally crazy.  They reminded me that Jamie isn’t the only one that knows my heart.  I am going to take a couple of days to regroup and refocus on what truly matters to me.  My day wasn’t the best and I have had far worst but I would never claim it was the end of the world. 

Before this post, I spent time thinking about family and friends that are currently experiencing situations that others can’t imagine.  For T and K, all is not lost.  Along with your own inner strength, you have a support system stronger than anything you expected; don’t be afraid to use it.

Can we really blame the internet?

I was talking with the hubby a few days ago and he made a comment that would not have been accepted by the masses.  I found the statement quite humorous but told him he was wrong for saying it out loud.  The comment was related to African-Americans or black people, whichever you prefer, and the internet.  While he could have used different terms to state his opinion, I must say that his statement seems to ring very true.

We are in a time where most interactions happen digitally.  Look at me, I basically started an online journal.  In my defense, this journal/blog was not started to replace actual human interaction.  The blog serves as a way for me to do something I like, write, and if others want to read it, GREAT!  Now, I am not saying that I don’t use social media at all.  I couldn’t say that I would miss many events if I didn’t.  But, I do try to limit my exposure to it.

The challenge is balancing your words/activity on the internet with the physical relationships in your life.  If I simply write about my issues with people in my life or never tell my family directly the importance they serve in my life, how will they ever know?  I may write how much I love or respect certain people and relationships in my life but don’t get it twisted, I have also communicated that live. 

Now, why did I choose the term balance?  I chose balance because we have to create a culture where people feel ok sharing their thoughts, activities, life on the internet but they also have an in-person support system in place that allows them to truly work through things that may be troubling them.  From my perspective, relationships with strong connections, physical, intellectual, spiritual come from a closeness that cannot be obtained digitally.  It seems that the more we lose these connections the more it seems as though the world has gone mad.  The world hasn’t gone mad; we just haven’t created an environment that can balance social media effectively with the issues that exist today.

I got nothing

I wake up every morning with the goal of doing my best; smiling regardless; not letting anyone divert me from my goals.  Well, today, it just DID NOT work.  I am tired of people, fake, jealous, angry, spiteful, uncaring, rude, ALL of them.  

I honestly have nothing today.  My husband gave me some advice this weekend about certain situations and people; I am going to try my best to take heed.  

Quote of the Day

"Sometimes those who don't socialize much aren't actually antisocial, they just have no tolerance for drama and fake people." -Quotes 'nThoughts, pineterst.com/quotedthoughts

Choose to Live!!!

This idea of “missing out” really confounds me.  You see, no one life is perfect for everyone.  Meaning:  my life is perfect for me, that celebrity’s life is perfect for him/her, and your life is perfect for YOU.  The beauty of living life is that each of us gets to decide how to live it.  Note that I said living life.  The key to “living” is doing what you, the individual, want.  If you are “missing out” or feel like you have “missed out”, it’s because you aren’t living YOUR life.  You are spending too much time wondering what someone else is or is not doing.  The time you spend doing this is the same time you LOSE living your own life. 

Stop wasting your life! Don’t be the person wishing you had treasured the things you had when everything is lost.

You get two quotes today.

Quotes of the Day

“We tend to forget that HAPPINESS doesn’t come as a result of getting something we DON’T HAVE, but RATHER  of recognizing & APPRECIATING what we DO HAVE” – Frederick Koenig

"Do not SPOIL what you have by desiring what you HAVE NOT; but REMEMBER that what you NOW HAVE was once among the things you ONLY HOPED FOR."  -Unknown

My Favorite Color

It’s weird how some things come about in life.  I was struggling with what I should write about today since I have missed the mark the last couple of days.  In mentioning it to my husband and he said, “Write about your favorite color”.  Little did he know, this was the perfect topic for me to write about today.  I wanted something less angry and less serious.

I previously mentioned that I went through a coaching program at work.  During this program, I had to consider varying aspects of my life.  In doing so, I went through an exercise that would help me calm myself (rather refocus my attentions) throughout various situations.   In one of the exercise, I had to tell my favorite color and explain why it was.  If you don’t know, my favorite color is PURPLE.  I could tell you that it is my favorite because it looks good on me; while that isn’t a lie that is not the reason.  The reason PURPLE is my favorite is because it brings me peace.

I don’t know how many times you truly watch the sunset but I have watched a few in my lifetime.  If you are truly watching the sun go down, there are times when you get to witness a point just before the sun disappears where there is this PURPLE haze all across the sky.  In that moment, it is the most peaceful time.  When I am watching this occur, thoughts of the stresses of life do not exist.  There is only that moment, the enjoyment of the relaxation and, more often than not, the time with my other half.

So now, whenever you see me, I will undoubtedly have something PURPLE on me.  It may be my favorite type of ink pen, my mouse, my folder carrying important information, the makeup case in my bag.  Why?  I do it because I am trying to keep PEACE at the forefront of my days.  

Quote of the Day
"She is at a place in her life where peace is her priority and negativity cannot exist." -Word Porn

I apologize because I led you astray…

Last week, I wrote a post stating that “I could say that I know that Jamie loves me but really all I have is a belief and a feeling.”  I want to explain this a little further because I think I may have caused some confusion.  The belief and the feeling that I have IS the love.  I know to depths in my soul very seldom touched that Jamie’s approach to our relationship, our love, and our marriage is based on the feelings that he has for me and the hopes for our future. 

The thing that I can’t tell you is if your partner/boyfriend/lover/husband feels that for you.  As I stated in the aforementioned post, no love is the same.  If you want me to tell you what’s going on in your relationship, my guess is, you already know.  No one knows your situation better than you, always remember that.

Love is not one thing alone but in it, you find endless amounts friendship, admiration, respect, tolerance, acceptance and physical chemistry.

Inferior, what?

Question of the day
Why do we insist on paying money for inferior services?  Great question, let's explore.  First, who defines superior and inferior?  How is the rating determined?  If I compare my service to previous services and its better, what will I assume?

While I agree that we should pay people/companies who serve us well and stop paying those who provide unacceptable services, I do feel that that determination should be left to the individual.  My thinking is that inferior versus superior is based on personal experience.  I don't go in the store and by a brand because EVERYONE ELSE says that it is great.  I typically go in and buy the brand that I have experienced.  Jane Smith up the street may hate it but it has always worked great for me.  Is that me choosing to pay for inferior services or me deciding to go with a brand that I know.

When getting into defining superiority and inferiority, always consider that it is your perspective and that may not be consistent with others.  Each person has their own views, I can guarantee they are not the same.

Quote of the day
"Comparisons make you feel superior or inferior, neither serve a useful purpose"  - Jane Travis

Not much

I was under the impression that if I posted every day I would run out of things to discuss, that hasn't been the case so far.  While I struggle with how I want to present my thoughts, I have yet to run out of things to talk about.  However, this post is random because I can't get myself to focus on one thing tonight.  I wish that this blog were a little more interactive, meaning I wish my readers would offer some of their thoughts on some of my topics or provide topics to discuss.  Open discussions are very helpful to me and my writings.  Hopefully, as I get more readers, increased interaction will occur.

I spent some time today trying to determine the best weekend trips.  I found a couple places to which we hadn't ventured.  I am hoping to get them on the calendar so we know when and what to expect for the upcoming year.

Today was a busy day and I didn't exercise like I planned to, so that means tomorrow will be absolutely FUN!!!