Not done yet...

For those of you that read and enjoy my posts, I just wanted to let you know that I am not don yet.  I have ben working on a new site for my posts, as I would like to postmore regularly.  Th point of this post was to say don't give up on my yet.  I plan to start posting again in another weeks or so.

Thoughts of my friend...

This week someone very close to me suffered the loss of her aunt.  Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend the service nor see my friend this week.

These situations are always difficult and unique to every individual.  Now, I will never claim to understand how one feels during this time, I can only offer my ear and my heart when assistance is needed.

Death is a guarantee and will be experienced by everyone.  That's why life (and living it) is so very critical.  The one thing I can say about this particular loss is that my friend (my sister) should relish in the thought that she got so much time with her aunt.  I am not sure a full week went by that she didn't talk to or see her aunt.  From the little time, that I spend with those close to me,I can tell you this is a precious gift.  

While I know it doesn't feel this way now and it's a struggle, there should be no regrets Shay.  From my limited perspective, Sandy had a great life,not because of the material things around her but because of the love she was so often surrounded by.  Your spirit will be with us always Sandy, we love you!

The Power of a Name

A couple of weeks ago, I got into a pretty interesting conversation about last names and marriage.  Now, of course, this conversation was wholly from a woman’s perspective; but let’s be real, the woman is the only one faced with the changing of a name for marriage, right?  Back on topic, the question that started us down this path was, “would you hyphenate your name?”  In today’s world, this is a perfectly innocent and appropriate question given the many perspectives and ways people address.

My thoughts:  This is a wholly personal decision and unique to every situation.  Names can mean so much or nothing at all to so many that it is up to the individual to place worth based on their own personal development/growth/sacrifice.  We can never be the decider of what holds value or importance to each individual.  It is the decision of the woman and her future husband to decide what's best for them.  And this is where I think the problem may lie with something of this nature.  I do feel that both people in the relationship should be supportive of the decision to hyphenate or not hyphenate. 

Why would that be important?  Because from the time you get married moving forward, decisions within the marriage should be made together.  Making a decision on how you will represent yourself, in name, without consideration of the other's feelings is a direct contradiction To what marriage represents.  Again, this simply one perspective and may not be the same for everyone but you will never know if you don't give your partner the option to share their feelings or thoughts.

Tonight, I simply...write

I have wanted to sit down and write for a little while now but was unable to get my head around what I wanted to write.  So tonight, I just decided to let my fingers do the work.

A few weeks ago, someone asked me if I had ever considered writing a book.  My response, “Heck no!”, with complete astonishment in my voice of such a notion.  I later mentioned it to my hubby, who responded, “I can see that you have interesting thoughts and people want to hear what you have to say”; his response had no shock or awe.  I say, “I don’t think that I have enough interesting things to talk about for a whole book and I am not sure that I have that type ability”.  The responses, “You have been writing various things since I met you” and “You probably could string together the blogs you have written thus far.”  Well, fancy that!  For others to see that ability in me almost had me in tears.

The funny thing is I was completely taken aback yet I have enjoyed writing since I was a little girl.  I use to write short stories growing up.  When I was younger, I think what I loved was the escape.  I got to go to a please that was designed and wholly ruled by yours truly.  I got to determine what things looked like, how people interacted, and the outcome of every good and bad situation; what’s not to like?

Now that I am older, it still serves as an escape but mostly because I can use it as an outlet.  I get to speak on my terms in my language without being judged or chastised for it (well, maybe a little by readers – but they know this is my blog J).  It allows me to be happy; it’s is my selfish attribute (remember happiness involves a little selfishness).  

Getting all of my thoughts out in black and white helps me to get it out and move on.  Being able to release is extremely important in the lives we (people in general) lead today.  Stress/depression/anxiety, they kill (literally); BEWARE!

Well, if I ever do consider writing a book, I will need a dang good editor.  J

Good night people! 

Take this one to sleep with you:

The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake.  –Leonardo da Vinci

For my mentee...

In one of my earlier posts entitled "Just me ...", I stated that 'the people making sure you are around are the people that you should be making sure you are around’.  I was asked to elaborate on this point.  Simply put, this statement means that I had to stop putting energy and time into relationships with people that did not reciprocate that effort. 

A key indication that someone doesn’t want to be bothered with you is that they don’t bother with you.  They don’t call, send an email or check in with you.  They simply respond whenever you reach out to them.  If they don’t have anything else to do, they humor you. 

Nevertheless, I had it in my head that I had to maintain the relationship because I felt obligated.  Obligated by my relation to the person or the length of time that I knew them or even that they had done something for me.  I finally had to ask myself, is this worth it?  Don't get me wrong, all of these things an create or strengthen some relationships.  However, these things should not be the only things that keep them going.  In my case, NONE of the relationships that I am speaking of were worth the detriment that they brought to my life because, for me, they were unhealthy.   They impacted my self-confidence, other relationships, and my stress levels.  They failed to offer happiness or support. 

I made the choice to put my energies somewhere else.  I put those energies into the people that ALWAYS made it a point to call me, just to see how I was; the people that, regardless of who or what was happening, ALWAYS invited me.  Why did I make that choice?  I made it because those were the people that cared about me enough to maintain/strengthen the relationship.  At some point, they decided that I was worth it.

As most things in life, this is easier said than done.  Filling your surroundings with people who want to be there with you can be the most uplifting and empowering thing that you can do for yourself. 

Thoughts can be kept silent or communicated throughout the world.  What you choose to do with them is wholly your own.

 

 

  

Seek understanding first...

For those of you that don’t know, some of my posts here are specifically requested by someone else.  That being said, this post and the next were to have specific topics.  However, I have to deviate for a moment to talk about helping others. 

Side Note for my brother-in-law - This post may be lengthy but let me have just a few more minutes of your time and read it anyway. J

Now back to the post…

In a couple of my earlier posts, I provided insight into who I am and my thoughts on my life.  For this post, I would like to talk about why that is important to me.  Hopefully, I can wrap it back around to the title of this post. 

Regardless of our desire to “stay out of other people’s business”, we are in it every time we open ours mouths to discuss someone else.  In these conversations, I always try to be fair in my commentary and consider the person at hand (this piece requires me knowing that person).  I try to avoid negativity and provide a different perspective.  I do this because NO ONE and I mean NO ONE truly knows the next person’s situation.  The only thing we ever know is what we are told.  In many cases, what you are told is the version that people want to share.  Case in point, my post about myself, while intimate, didn’t provide you details around the negative things that took over my childhood.  In fact, I really started in high school.  Were any of the things I shared a lie?  No, I simply skipped over the part of my life that was hardest for me.

We often hear things like, “you don’t know me”, “you don’t know what I have been through” or “you don’t know that person’s situation”.  The reason we don’t know those things is not always that the person doesn’t want to share.  Sometimes, we aren’t listening or asking the right questions or even ready for the person’s truth.  In order to help anyone, you have to understand the issue.  Sometime, we have made assumptions about their situation without even talking to them.  That understanding can only come from the source; are you willing to go directly to the source? Are you ready to hear what someone else has to say?

If the ability to impact others positively exists, use it wisely and with the intent of improving the situation.  Influence is powerful.  Many people desire to have someone that understands their situation and cares enough to listen, be that person for someone.

*Note: This is a totally selfless act.  Your actions and intentions in this situation cannot be about YOU!*

Today was tough because...

As you can see, I am not going to be able to post my updates to my journal everyday.  

1) You guys are going to get tired of me (because you just don't want to know me that well).  
2) I don't know that I will have meaningful posts everyday (and I don't know that I am ready to share that much at this point)

Nevertheless, today's question was this:  Today was tough because...  

Today was tough because I can't understand why some people seem to be incapable of giving others time and space to cope, deal, just to themselves to asses their situations.  

I know, I know, so let me explain.  My friend and co-worker lost her younger brother last night (totally unexpected).  She sent a note to us to let us know.  First thing this morning, people (really one person in particular) are standing in my office asking "Have you talked to her?", "Do you have the arrangements?", "Do you have her address?".  Then, the person runs off and tells everyone she can talk to then starts pinging me.  Really?  Do you think I spent hours talking to her last night or this morning?  She had to break the news to her parents, try to get answers from the coroner's office, and head down to Alabama.  Oh and her brother passed in Chicago by himself.  

It really frustrated me.  Don't get me wrong I am not trying to be mean or insensitive and I understand that people just want to show concern and support. My thoughts are this, before you take action, consider if the situation was yours, what would you prefer from others?  This consideration can help in almost every situation that you face involving others.

Can People Change?

January 2 Question: Can people change?

Considering that both Jamie and I have changed and that I spend 80% of my time at work developing people, my answer is yes, people can change.  I know that many people will not agree with my answer but oh well.  

Things to note about my answer in order for it to happen, people have to:

• Believe change is needed
• Want to change
• Work at change
• Accept setbacks
• Understand feedback

Things that should be considered when thinking about change are that it will not happen overnight and support is required.  Those two things seem to be the hardest thing about change in general.

I am trying to make my posts a little shorter because I got feedback that some of them are too long.  I apologize in advance for the length but I wanted to share one of the poems that I wrote for Jamie a while ago.

He... is the pitter-patter of feet on my heart

... the laughter ringing in my ears

He is the joy glittering in my eyes

He... is the radiant sunlight stomping out my tears

... the stars gleaming throughout my moonlit skies

He is the soothing touch that healed my pain

He... is the sweet aroma drifiting in the midst of an orchard

... the thrilling sensation running down my spine

He is the tranquility engulfing my mind

HE IS THE QUINTESSENCE OF LIFE!!!

By Tamira L. Morris

What is your mission?

I purchased a 5-year journal a long while ago for a young person in my life was never able to gift it.  Nevertheless, the journal is a "Q&A" journal that asks a different question every day.  I am hoping this works out well and will let you know how it is going as often as I can

First questions for the first day of the year:  What is your mission?

At first, I thought this was a very difficult question.  After thinking through all the things that I have dealt with in my life, I realized it wasn't as difficult to answer as I was making it.

My mission is simple.  My mission/ambition is to enjoy a fulfilled life with my husband (the strongest family I have).  So, there it is people, it seems easy enough, doesn't it?  Several situations/challenges come along with that ambition but having it at the forefront of my mind helps me to stay focused.  Diversions and missteps are not able to cause serious delays in my journey.

I am thinking that answering these questions daily will be good for me, but I haven't wholly decided that I am going to share my answers here each day.  Think about it, have you considered your mission?  Maybe we all should.

Personal Book Selection

So, I finally read the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy and I must say that I really enjoyed it; so much so, that I read a few other BDSM (look it up) books.  The first thing I must say about these books is that they are not at all what I expected.  The books are truly love stories with a bit of sex in them (who wouldn't like that?). 

Seriously, when I heard women discuss these books, it was always as though it was something taboo or sinister about them.  I have listened to women talk about how they couldn't read those types of books because they were married or it was "ungodly", really?  This is what I will tell you:
If you are not comfortable in your own sexuality and desires, DON'T READ THESE BOOKS! 

These books are written to emphasize power and ultimate pleasure.  The funny thing is that most will assume that it is power and pleasure from the man's perspective and it isn't.  In these books, the men fully understand the woman's body and what excites her; the power comes from controlling that aspect.  The man's enjoyment comes from his mastery of her enjoyment.  Now, say what you want, but that is pretty awesome.  Being able to trust someone else in the most intimate way that wants nothing but your happiness is the ULTIMATE PLEASURE (physically, mentally, and emotionally)! Denying that is denying yourself of possibilities.

The point of this post is to say this:  What we read DOES NOT define who we are!  I have read a variety of books (from historical events to murder mysteries) and none of them reflect the person that I am.  There may be some that I identify with but none of them define me as a person.  What defines me is my ability to understand different stories, gain perspective, and continue to better myself based on these things. 

Read whatever it is you want, it can't hurt you!
 

Happiness versus Selfishness

I know it has been a very long time since I posted.  So, I thought I would write a quick note.  When I write, I am just sharing my own personal thoughts and perspective.  I am in no way trying to assert myself as the authority on any topic (outside of those posts about me - I do consider myself an authority there).

The things at the forefront of my mind these days has been happiness; mainly because of some very important people that have had a positive impact on my life.  Now, these people don't even know what their happiness means to me but I do keep them in my thoughts because I care and I want them to be happy regardless of where that leads.  For those people, I write this post.

Happiness is a state of mind that we have full control over.  It is on us to determine if we want to be happy or not.  Being happy involves being a little selfish; I am not talking about the selfishness that drive people to take advantage of those that are trying to help or love them terribly.  I am talking about a selfishness that requires you to decide what you want with no one else's involvement. 

These steps are based on my personal experience (and I have repeated them several times even as I type).

Steps to Happiness

- Know what you want big or small; identifying what brings you joy helps to keep you grounded and on your path

- Know that most people are selfish at some point or in some aspect of their lives.  The key is determining how that selfishness impacts you and your desires.

- Know what makes you tick; if there are things/actions that are unbearable to you, stop them at the door.  Letting them have a seat at your table only ruins the meal.  This will involve you taking a stance for yourself (everyone may not like it - BE PREPARED).

- Stop dwelling on those things that are inconsequential to you.  This one can be difficult be cause we make or take many things more personal than we should (I do it quite often).  This is where the list of your desires comes in handy.  If the situation does not support any of those things on your list, let it go.  It's not worth your time and energy.

- Know that what makes you happy in no way shape or form drives or aligns with what make others happy.  There will come a time when you have to make difficult decisions on the relationships in your life.  This step also involves selfishness and taking a stance for yourself.  (I would be lying if I told you this was simple. One hard thing about this step is realizing the misalignment of the relationship's worth (basically, you thought it meant more than it did)).  People can be ruthless, it's important to know how you fit in their lives so you can approach the relationship appropriately.

- Stop letting others define your happiness.  REMEMBER YOUR HAPPINESS IS ALL ABOUT YOU!!!